Tonga's Greased-Up Flag Bearer Steals the Opening Ceremony

Monday, August 8, 2016 08/08/2016 Views: 85

Tonga's shirtless flag bearer made a splash at the summer games, so Jason Biggs, Beth Stelling and Hari Kondabolu come up with events for the oiled-up athlete to compete in. (1:30)

The Olympic gameshave officially kicked off,

and it's alreadygot everyone talking

about this greased upathlete representing Tonga.

Oh, there he is.

-♪ -(applause and cheering)

-Whoa!-HARDWICK: I should clarify.

They didn't actuallygrease him up.

-He just stepped outside in Rio.-(laughter)

The slippery Tongan flag bearer,Pita Taufatofua,

took time out his day jobas a human roto-rooter

to marchin the parade of nations

during the opening ceremonies.

This is the most excitedpeople have gotten up

about a greased-up Polynesian

since this entranceat the last Olympics.

-MAN: And what an ovation!-Ah!

-(indistinct voice on screen)-BETH STELLING: Yeah!


Oh, we smell it.


The the Internet naturallyexploded with adoration

for this lubed up hunk.


Hashtag Opening Ceremony. Sinceit seems like Tonga already

has the lead in lady-boners,what are some events

this heavily-lubricated Tonganwill be competing in?

Jason Biggs, go.

Rolling around on your popcornto make it more delicious.

-HARDWICK: Yes.-(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

-Beth Stelling, go.-STELLING: Sliding

in and out of tight places,and in and out is needed.

-HARDWICK: All right.-(laughter)

-(applause and cheering)-Hari Kondabolu.

Uh, the dick cathalon.