John Heffron - Going to the Store

  • Season 11 , Ep 2
  • 01/11/2007
  • Views: 9,233

John wants his wife to just tell him what he's supposed to do. (2:34)

'CAUSE MY MOM WOULD ASK THE GUY A QUESTION

AND HE WOULD JUST STARE AT HER.

HE ALMOST LOOKED LIKEHE WAS AFRAID TO TALK--

AND THEN I'D SEE HIS EYES DART TO LIKE THE DOOR,

AND YOU'RE LIKE, "THAT DUDE'S GONNA RUN FOR IT!

MY DAD IS SO DUMB, HE'S GONNA RUN 'CAUSE

HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER A QUESTION!

I CAN'T HAVE FRIENDS OVER TO MEET MY DUMB DAD!"

THEN I GOT MARRIED AND WENT, "OH, OKAY. I GET IT.

GOOD PLAY, DAD, GOOD PLAY!"

'CAUSE I CAN'T ANSWER THE SIMPLE QUESTIONS, LIKE,

MY WIFE WILL GO,"I'M GOING TO THE STORE,DO YOU WANNA GO?"

- HA, HA, HA, HA. HA, HA. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HA-HA. UM...

"DO I WANNA GO TO THE STORE? I DON'T KNOW,

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO,

- WHY DON'T YOU...?" - [LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE I'VE ANSWERED BOTH WAYSTO THAT QUESTION

AND THEY'VE BOTH BEEN WRONG. SEE, I'VE SAID,

"YES, I WILL GO TO THE STORE WITH YOU."

"THEN I GET, "FINE, BUT THIS IS MY TRIP.

"CAN YOU NOT HOVER OVER ME THE ENTIRE TIME?

"THERE'S THINGS I NEED TO LOOK AT

AND I DON'T WANTTO FEEL RUSHED."

"OKAY, THEN, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GONNA STAY HOME."

"FINE, I'LL GO BY MYSELF. HOPE NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO I WENT TO THE STORE WITH MY WIFE--

YOU HAVE TO 'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO PUSH THE CART.

AND I WENT TO THE STORE WITH MY WIFE 'CAUSE WE GOT

A GIFT CARD FROM OUR WEDDING AND I WENT WITH HER THINKING

I COULD HELPSPEND SOME OF THE MONEY ON THE GIFT CARD.

HA-HA. ROOKIE MOVE. ROOKIE MOVE.

APPARENTLY, MY NAME WAS JUSTON THERE FOR DECORATION. OKAY?

SO, WE STOP OFF AT THE STORE AND MY WIFE STARTS PICKING OUT

MARBLES TO GO IN A VASE.

WHY NOT, RIGHT?

THEN SHE STARTS ASKING ME WHAT COLOR MARBLES WE SHOULD GET.

RIGHT NOW, ALL I'M THINKING IS,"WONDER WHAT ROB'S DOING?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

"I BET YOU HE'S DOING SOMETHING KICKASS RIGHT NOW.

"HE'S PROBABLY WALKING AROUND HIS HOUSE WITH HIS SHOES ON.

HE PROBABLY DROPPEDSOMETHING AND LEFT IT."

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