So happy to be here, man.
You know, you know, I'm married.
Anybody else?
(scattered cheers)
Yeah, don't clap ifyou ain't happy. Don't do it.
People here with attitudes.
"How you know, fam?"
Let me say this.
You don't understand,when you get married,
that's when you startnoticing things.
Like, I didn't know womenwore wigs until I said "I do."
I did not know that.
I thought my wife had--
I thought she was gettingher hair done every day, fresh.
I didn't knowshe had a wig game.
Soon as we got married,
I couldn't even sleepthe first night.
She had a bunch of dummieson the dresser.
I'm like, "Who are you?
Who are you?!"
All them damn wigson the damn dresser.
Then they leavethe wig anywhere.
I got about, like,five PlayStations,
'cause she want to leave hair--wig hair on the PlayStation.
You know how hard it isto explain to some kid
at a GameStop what's wrongwith your PlayStation?
"Did you, uh, keep it on?"
"Nah, there's some wig hairin there. Um..."
(laughs)
She get drunk and throw it off.
I love going out
where you see femaleswith the wigs
and they forget they got it on;you ever see that?
It gets so hot in the club,they get to digging in it.
(laughing manically)
Nah, too late, mother...
I saw the (bleep) do-rag.
(laughter, applause)
But let me say this, ladies.
Look, don't clap; I ain't done.
'Cause you might not like meif you wear a wig.
But I'm gonna say this,I'd rather buy you a wig.
It's cheaper, okay?
It's way cheaperthan getting your hair done.
I'd rather take youwig shopping, okay?
We take you wig shopping,we go to the best beauty supply
money can buy,and I'll get you the best wig
that you could ever buy.
We walk in there, they got toget your wig down with a stick.
That's how expensiveyour wig is.
I walk in,there's a dude with a stick.
"Oh, you want the human hair,hold on.
"Oh, yeah.
"Must be a baller, yo.
"We got to keepthe human hair up here.
Yo, them crackheadssteal human hair in our store."
Some of y'all got money.
Y'all ain't never seenthe stick man before.
When you livein a messed up neighborhood,
the stick man exists.
'Cause the dope fiendssteal everything.
So they got to keep everythinghigh up.
You go in our grocery store,they get stuff down with a stick
they ain't supposed to.
"Hold on, you wantthe two percent whole milk.
"Well, these crackheadsare stealing
"the hell out this milk.
Goddamn."
Who the hellbuying bootleg milk?