Uncensored - Kumail Nanjiani - Too Young for Porn Pt. 1

Kumail Nanjiani: Beta Male Season 1, Ep 101 07/20/2013 Views: 31,547

Not even Cindy Crawford's Pepsi commercial could prepare Kumail Nanjiani for the stark reality of pornography. (2:05)

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- I was raised, like,very religious Muslim.

We were told,

this is true,

we were--when we were little kids,

we were told that staringat a woman with a lustful gaze

was the same sin

as stabbingthe prophet's nephew

in the back

while he's praying.

Look at a girl,stab the prophet's nephew

in the backwhile he's praying.

Equal.

So I was terrifiedof women, you know?

And then I saw,I was around ten I remember.

Do you guys rememberthat Cindy Crawford

Diet Pepsi commercialwhere she's wearing

the tight, white tank top

and those hip-hugging jeans,

and she's in the convertible,her hair in the breeze?

Then she gets out, and she walksover to the vending machine,

and she puts in the quarter.

She picks her drink.

Then she pops her--the tab.

And she puts the cylinderto her lips.

I remember thinking,

I am stabbing the fuck

out of the prophet's nephewright now.

At that age though,I didn't know what sex was.

Like, I would not even

know what I would do if I wasin a room alone with Cindy.

Just, like, squeeze her mole,you know, like--

That soundsawesome today actually.

But then all that,

uh, innocence disappearswhen my cousin

gives me a videotape.

Yeah, and I'm like,

"Oh, that's whatI would do to her."

It's a porn.I don't know if you guys--

And it was too earlyfor me to see porn.

Like, my bodywasn't ready.

I put it in.I watched it for 30 seconds.

I pulled it out.

I had a feverfor three days.

I promised GodI would never watch it again.

And thena couple weeks later,

I got curious.

I was like, "Well, I didn'treally give it a chance,

"did I?

What is the motivationof these characters?"

And then I put it back in,

and then you couldn'tfucking stop me.

Which iswhere I still am today.