CARLOS MENCIA>> LIVE LIFE, MAN.
LIFE ISN'T WHAT YOU THINK
IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CARPE DIEM.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT BY THE WAY
EVEN THOUGH THE LATIN LANGUAGE
HASN'T SPOKEN IN HUNDREDS OF
YEARS?
YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO GO GENTLY INTO THAT
GOOD NIGHT.
"THAT BELL TOLLS FOR THEE."
WE KNOW THIS.
YET WE ALLOW OURSELVES
NOT TO LAUGH TO BE RETENTIVE
TO HOLD EVERYTHING IN
EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE THE FREEDOMS
THAT OTHER PEOPLE DON'T HAVE.
OUR WOMEN DON'T GET SHOT
IN THE HEAD WHEN THEY DON'T
BELIEVE ANYTHING.
OUR WOMEN WEAR MINI SKIRTS
THAT ARE LITERALLY THIS SHORT
AND WHEN THEY GO TO NIGHTCLUBS
THEY LOOK AT GUYS LIKE ME
AND GO, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?!"
"YOUR VAGINA!"
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
SEE YOU GOT TO LAUGH WHILE
YOU CAN.
AND SEE HERE'S THE FUN PART.
PEOPLE AT HOME ARE LAUGHING
THEIR ASSES OFF.
LOVING IT BECAUSE WE WANT
TO PRETEND.
SEE AT HOME IT'S COOL.
60-80% OF THE PEOPLE THAT WATCH
DEF JAM WERE WHITE.
BUT WHEN YOU GO SEE DEF JAM
LIVE, YOU GO SEE THE KINGS
OF COMEDY, YOU WILL SEE ALMOST
NO WHITE PEOPLE THERE.
WHICH TRULY TELLS ME, YOU LOVE
LAUGHING AT THE BROTHER JOKES,
BUT YOU DON'T LOVE LAUGHING AT
BROTHER JOKES WHEN THE BROTHERS
CAN LOOK AT YOU LAUGH BECAUSE
YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.
SO WHEN YOU'RE AT HOME YOU LOVE
IT AND YOUR LIKE "HA-HA.
THOSE (BLEEP) ARE FUNNY.
HA-HA-HA."
BUT WHEN YOU'RE THERE YOU'RE
LIKE, "IT'S WRONG WHAT HE SAID.
IT'S WRONG"
AND YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND,
WHAT MAKES LIFE BEAUTIFUL,
IS THE ESSENCE OF THE FACT
THAT IT CAN GO AWAY.
SEE YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE
LIKE THAT.
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE PERSON
DO YOU?
THAT HAD A FIGHT, AN
INCONSEQUENTIAL, INSIGNIFICANT,
STUPID FIGHT WITH YOUR SPOUSE
ABOUT WHO'S SUPPOSED TO OPEN
OR CLOSE OR TURN OFF THE LIGHT
AT THAT BEDTIME?
SO YOU DID IT.
BUT YOU WERE PISSED AND YOU
STAYED PISSED WITH YOUR WIFE.
NOT 'CAUSE IT WAS REAL BUT HELL
WE'LL MAKE UP LATER AND NOTHING
BETTER THAN MAKE UP SEX
IS THERE?
AND IN THE MORNING YOU WOKE UP,
AND THINGS WERE STILL BAD
BUT YOU KEPT THAT 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'M GOING TO COME BACK WE'RE
GOING TO DO IT.
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU WENT TO YOU'RE BUILDING.
AND YOU WERE SADLY ON THAT 90th
FLOOR.
AND THAT HAPPENED.
AND YOUR ASS IS NEVER GOING
TO GO BACK HOME AGAIN.
AND THE BEST YOU COULD DO IS
CALL YOUR WOMAN OR MAN AND SAY
I LOVE YOU AND YOU MISSED
THAT LAST NIGHT.
WHY?
BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT THAT
IT WOULD LAST FOREVER.
SEE EVERY COMEDY SHOW
YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO ENDS WITH
A BIG JOKE, 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT
YOU NEED.
I END WITH A BIG JOKE YOU LAUGH,
I SAY GOOD NIGHT, AND THAT'S
HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
BUT THAT AIN'T LIFE MY FRIENDS.
IF YOU LEARNED ANYTHING FROM ME
LEARN ONE THING, THAT SOMETIMES,
SOMETIMES...
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
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