Yes, thank you very much!
Thank you.Thank you so much.
Welcome to the show.
Welcome to The Nightly Show.
I'm Larry Wilmore.
Thank you so much.Please have a seat.
Very exciting night.First off...
-Yeah, yes. Big...-WOMAN: Love you, Larry.
-I love you too, baby.-(laughter)
But I have to say,
big props to King Jamesand the Cavaliers, you guys.
-They did it. They did it.-(applause and cheering)
Wow, man,what a game last night.
I was stuck in hell on a plane,
and I missed it,and I couldn't see it.
But what an historic comeback.Man!
Now, I have to admit, I wasrooting for the Splash Brothers.
I do have to admit.
Well, guys, I had no choice--the light-skinned brothers.
Exactly. So in honor...
You know, in honorof their valiant run,
I got to pour one outFor Curry and Thompson.
-Here you go. Here you go.-(laughter)
So, here you go.Here you go.
-(applause and cheering)-Here you go. Oh.
Ah. A little splashfor the Splash Brothers. Mm.
It's not regular chocolate milk,but light skin-ded.
Hmm. Delightful,creamy-colored drink.
-(laughter)-You may be thinking at home,
"How come he doesn't havea milk mustache?"
I do,it's just a perfect match.
Light skin-ded:the milk that matches.
-Mm-hmm.-(applause and cheering)
Okay let's go from lightskin-ded to orange skin-ded
and see what's happeningwith the Unblackening.
Okay, this weekend,Trump did what Trump does best.
He spewed nonsenseout of his gaping face chasm.
In the wake of last week'smass shooting in Orlando,
Trump went on Face the Nation
to talk about profilingthis nation's faces.
How does ethnic profilinghave anything
to do with common sense?
I guess Trump never readthat Jane Austen book,
Common Sense and Sensibility.
Where a whip-smart girland her 18 sisters find love
where they least expect it:the no-fly list.
-Is it...? Am I the only one?-(laughter)
Am I the onlywell-read person here? Come on.
-(applause and cheering)-It's a fantastic book.
So... so Trump may bedoubling down on the Muslim ban,
but we all know how this goes,right?
Trump says crazy (bleep),everybody gets mad, right,
and his poll numbers skyrocket.
It's like a scabthat-that you keep picking
until the festering woundbecomes the presumptive nominee
of a major U.S.political party.
-(laughter)-I don't understand it.
But here's why... here's whythis time it may be different.
It's not clearthis is going to work for him.
WOMAN:The Reuters/Ipsos poll conducted
from last Monday to Friday,
showed Clintonwith a 10.7 point lead
among likely voters over Trump.
Yeah, but Trump does stillhave strong support
among low-income whites,rural males
-and Confederate ghosts.-(laughter)
Mm. They're this year'ssoccer moms, right?
That's right, Donald. You're notin the primary anymore,
and the general election crowd
isn't really buyingyour whole thing.
Everyone's getting tiredof his shtick.
You know, shtick hasa shelf life, you guys.
That's why you don't see me outhere doing "Who's On First?"
-(laughter)-Things get old.
Well, except for that video
of the monkey sniffing his buttand falling off the tree.
Oh, man, oh,that's good every time. Wait.
Let's see that now.
-(cheers and applause)-Mm. Ah.
Uh, actually, guys,this is true.
Our legal department says
we can't use thatmonkey-sniffing-his-butt clip
unless we make a direct commentabout it.
So let me just say,
hey, man,that monkey sniffed his butt
right beforehe fell out of that tree.
Isn't that something? Man.
That must beone stinky monkey butt. Man!
We good, legal? We good?Okay, that's it.
Anyway, all right,
so these numbers haveDonald Trump so concerned,
the presumptive nominee ordereda campaign shake-up.
WOMAN: He has dumped hislong-time campaign manager
WOMAN: The Trump campaigntells the Associated Press
it currently hasabout 30 paid field staffers
across the country.
30 staffers?What the (bleep)!
That's not nearly enough peoplefor their office's
racist Secret Santa.
(laughter and groaning)
I don't understandthat picture at all.
Sorry. I don't understand that.
I don't get it.
-Uh, I don't get it.-(applause and cheering)
I think, uh...
Guys, here's the thing.Here's the thing.
I can't believe Trump is seriousabout running for president.
I don't. Think about it.
30 staffers!That's nothing!
We have 100 stafferson this show,
and this show's notrunning for president.
I mean, we need that many people
just to show you stufflike this.
-That really is classic.It really is. -(laughter)
I mean, how stinkycan this monkey's butt be?
I mean, it knocked him outfor Christ's sakes!
Okay. All right,here's the point.
I'm not sayingTrump is disorganized.
I'm saying he's non-organized.
He not only doesn't take policyseriously.
He doesn't even takehis own candidacy seriously.
And so it's not a surprisethat the RNC, fearing the worst,
is trying to replace him.
New info this morning
that the "never Trump" movementhas a new plan.
Some GOP delegates plottinghow to block Trump
from becomingthe party's nominee.
-First of all, let me just saythis is so much fun. -(laughter)
-It is, man. I love it.-(applause and cheering)
It's so much fun,and I tell you why. Ah.
Seeing the Republicans tryingto replace Donald Trump,
because they gave birthto this demon seed, right?
And let me tell you something.Here's the thing, guys.
The demon seed comes outa very cute baby, right?
Its tiny hands actuallymake sense at that point.
But it doesn't take longfor that baby to reveal itself
as the devil it really is,much like this.
There you go, Grandpa.
-Ah, she's beautiful.-(laughs)
That's right, Republicans,you gave birth to that baby!
I don't blame youfor wanting to kill it,
but you gave birth to that baby!
-(cheering, applause)-That was on you!