the less obscene thing
for guys to jam their wangsinto for fun.
And the thing called, uh...
It's called the Fleshlight.
Are you familiarwith the Fleshlight?
(scattered applause, whoops)Yep. Well, for all of you
making believe that you're notfamiliar with the Fleshlight,
let me explain it to you.
It's a rubber vagina,
as a big weird flashlight,for some reason.
I don't know why they made itlook like a flashlight.
Like, maybe to make a disastermore stressful for you.
Like, if the power goes out,and there's an earthquake.
Hanging out with your buddy.
He's like,"Dude, I found a flashlight."
You're like,"No, no, no, no, no, no!
"No, no, not the...not, no, no, not that one.
"Not that one.
That's... no, no, no, no."
"Ugh, the batteries areleaking or something.
Uh, you need to change thebatteries in this thing."
"That's... no, no, no.
Not that one."
It's a popular item.
I have friends who own them.
I haven't banged one yet.
Maybe... maybe someday
I'll bang one.
I'm sure it's awesome.
It's a leap thatyou have to take.
Like, once you bang
a rubber vagina flashlight,
that's it, you did it.
You can't undo it.
You're always a guywho's banged a flashlight
for the rest of your life.
And I feel dumb enough
like, when I rub one outlike a regular person,
I feel so stupid.
I'm like, "Duh."
"What the hell are you doing?
"Somebody leaves youalone in a room
"for more than ten minutes,
"you start playing with yourself
"like a teenaged chimp?
"Maybe read a book to kill sometime for once in your life.