Season 1 , Ep 0101 01/11/11 Views: 19,085

Until Joe DeRosa was 12 years old, he had no idea that he was half Egyptian. (2:35)

-That's the goal, though.

Everybody wants to getmarried, have kids, right?

I'm adopted, myself.

Anybody else adoptedin the audience today?

A couple othermistakes, OK, good.

How annoying isit to be adopted?

Every time somebodyfinds out you're adopted,

they want to give you theMaury Povich interview.

Did you ever look foryour real parents?

Did you ever try tofind your real parents?

Uh, no.

I pretty much tookthe hint, actually.

Yeah, when theyabandoned me, I figured

I wouldn't callanymore after that.

One of my parents was fromEgypt and one was from Italy.

So they wereforeigners, and that's

why I'm afraid to find them.

I'm not racist.

I'm not prejudicedagainst foreigners.

But I'm just worried.

What if I found them and theywere, like, creepy foreigners?

You know, what if I foundthem and they lived in, like,

a marketplace and they hadto sell apples off of a cart

to survive and they had alittle monkey that dressed up

like Aladdin that theystole dinner with?

And then I had to savethem like Indiana Jones

in the Temple of Doomwith that villian.

I don't want to do that.

I actually am half Egyptian.

I'm half Egyptianand my parents didn't

tell me until Iwas 12 years old.

Can you believe that [beep]?

They didn't tellme until I was 12.

They hid it from me like Iwas teen wolf or some [beep].

Like they thought I might justtransform into an Egyptian one

day, and then they'dhave to tell me.

Like, [beep], hishair's kicking up

and he's paintingon the walls again.

All right, we gotta--you're Egyptian, son.

Your mother was bitten byan Egyptian many years ago.

It took.

And I didn't know.

And because I didn't know, myuncle used to mess with me,


And he'd go, hey, kid.

Why don't you gofind your oil well?

And I didn't know whathe was talking about.

And now that Iknow I'm Egyptian,

I still don't know whathe was talking about,

because Egyptian peopledon't have oil wells.

How [beep] lazy of aracist do you have to be?

And you don't even researchyour stereotypes anymore.

You just mix 'em all togetherand have a good time.

Why don't you go backto your oil well?

And stop and get some friedchicken and watermelon

on your way overthere, before you sneak

over the border toopen a 7-Eleven.

Jesus H. Christ--