Austin Anderson - Marky Mark & Having a Baby

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 11/21/2013
  • Views: 3,540

Even though it feels like being grounded all the time, Austin Anderson likes marriage. (1:59)

IT'S TIME TO PARTY, GUYS.

YOU GUYS READY TO HAVEA GOOD TIME, LOOSEN UP?

I LOVE '90s MUSIC.THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT.

THAT'S WHATGETS ME GOING.

THAT'S WHY I WANTMARK WAHLBERG'S ACTING CAREER

TO TANK.

SO HE HAS TO COME BACK ASMARKY MARK AND THE FUNKY BUNCH

TO PAY HIS BILLS!

ONE MORE TOUR, BABY.

HE USED TO PULL DOWNHIS PANTS

AND THRUSTIN CHILDREN'S FACES,

AND NO ONE CARED.

THEY WERE LIKE,"LET HIM DO IT.

HE'S HOT."

COULD YOU IMAGINETHE PUBLIC OUTCRY

IF MEAT LOAFWOULD HAVE DONE THAT?

HE WOULD'VE PULLED DOWNHIS PANTS AND--UGH, THRUSTED.

PEOPLE WOULD HAVE BEEN,"THAT IS DISGUSTING.

PUT YOUR MEAT AWAY, LOAF."

DUDE,I JUST HAD A BABY.

IT'S FUN, MAN.I LIKE BEING A DAD.

MY WIFEIS BREAST-FEEDING.

I'M VERY JEALOUS.

HE EATS LIKE A GREMLIN.

HE'S ALWAYS OVER THERE LIKE,"AH! AH!"

I'M LIKE, WHAT THE HELLIS GOING ON OVER THERE?

AND HE'S ALWAYS JUST, LIKE,PUNCHING IT AND BITING IT

AND PULLING ON IT.

I'M LIKE,QUIT STRETCHING IT OUT, MAN.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?WE SHARE THAT.

I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATEWHEN WE'RE HAVING SEX.

ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT ISTHAT I'M GETTING SLOPPY SECONDS.

IT'S TERRIBLE.

I LIKE BEING MARRIED,JUST NOBODY TOLD ME

IT WAS GONNA BE LIKEBEING GROUNDED ALL THE TIME.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KIDAND MY MOM GROUNDED ME,

I COULD CONVINCE HERTO LET ME GO TO THE PARK

AND SWING ON THE SWINGS.

MY WIFE'S LIKE,"THE SWINGS ARE BROKEN."

I'M LIKE, "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"SHE HOLDS UP A CHAIN.

I'M LIKE, "NO!WHY'D YOU CUT 'EM?"

SHE'S LIKE,"GET INSIDE AND WATCH LIFETIME,

"WHERE YOU BELONG.

THERE'S A GOOD ONE ON.IT'S ONLY FOUR HOURS."

I'M LIKE, "NORA ROBERTS,YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"

IF YOU DON'T KNOWWHO NORA ROBERTS IS,

SHE WRITESHORRIBLE FOUR-HOUR MOVIES

THEY PUT ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONSRIGHT AFTER CHURCH

TO PUNISH YOUFOR YOUR SINS.

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