>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW."
MY NAME IS JON STEWART.
GUEST TONIGHT JILL LEOVY ISGOING TO BE ON THE SHOW.
SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF"GHETTOSIDE."
BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, OUR GREATCITY STILL STANDS!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TONIGHT, WE ARE MOIST BUT
UNBOWED.
SURVIVING THE ONLY STORY THATMATTERED, THE ONE THAT HAPPENED
IN OUR REGION--BLIZZAPOCALYPSEGEDDON 15, THE
WHITE-ERDAMMERUNG.
IT ALL BEGAN YESTERDAY WHENELECTED OFFICIALS GOT NEWS THEY
HOPED THEY WOULD NEVER HEAR-- ITWAS GOING TO SNOW.
( LAUGHTER )IN THE NORTHEAST, IN JANUARY.
OH, THE HUMANITY.
>> WHITEOUT.
>> BLIZZARD 2015.
>> THREATENING STORM.
>> FEROCIOUS BLIZZARD.
>> EPIC, HISTORIC, RECORDBREAKING.
SNOWMAGEDDON.
>> Jon: LIKE THE CAPRICIOUSGODDESS WHOSE NAME IS BEARES,
WINTERO STORM JUNEAU WILL TURNOR NATION'S CHILDREN INTO
HORRIFIC LIVING SNOWE MEN WHOSEONLY KNOWN CURE IS AN IMMEDIATE
INFUSION OF SOUP.
( LAUGHTER )BUT OF COURSE, NO WARNING OF
DIRE WEATHER-RELATED EMERGENCYWOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT
CHARISMATIC SIGN LANGUAGEINTERPRETERS VYING FOR THE TITLE
OF "BEST SILENT MAYORAL HYPEMAN."
AND IN THAT CONTEST, THERE WAS ACLEAR WINNER.
>> NEW YORKERS SHOULD NOT YOUWANT ESTIMATE THIS STORM.
ASSUME CONDITIONS WILL BEUNSAFE.
( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: THAT IS NEW YORK
SIGN LANGUAGE.
I DON'T READ SIGN LANGUAGE, BUTI'M PRETTY SURE HE'S GOING "SUCK
MY ( BLEEP ) JUNEAU.
YOU BRING THAT ( BLEEP ) SNOW.
AND I WILL ( BLEEP ) YOU UP.
DO YOU HEAR ME?
PLOW ME?
NO, PLOW YOU, ( BLEEP )!
BOOM!
( APPLAUSE )THAT GUY IS AWESOME.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- NOTA BAD FREEZE FRAME ON THE TAPE.
( LAUGHTER )THAT GUY NAILED IT.
AND THEN THERE WERE SOME OTHERGUYS, DE BLASIO-TYPE GUY, HE WAS
THERE TOO, PREPPING FOR THEIMMINENT ICE DEATH OF THE
EASTERN SEABOARD.
>> MR. MAYOR, I WANT TO SEEK ACLARITY ON THE 11 P.M. RULE.
THERE WERE A FEW FOLKS ON SOCIALMEDIA WONDERING ABOUT FOOD
DELIVERY BICYCLES WHETHER THEYMIGHT BE ALLOWED OUT.
>> A FOOD DELIVERY BICYCLE ISNOT AN EMERGENCY VEHICLE.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Jon: BULL ( BLEEP ).
NOT AN EMERGENCY VEHICLE!
SOUNDS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE'SNEVER BEEN STONED AT MIDNIGHT
WITH NO READY SOURCE OF CRACKRANGOON.
HEY, GUY, ( BLEEP ) NEW YORK'SSIGNATURE DISH, SOMETHING IN A
BAG THAT'S STAPLED.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
HEY, I NEED FOOD.
NOT THE TRAVEL PRESENTS THE ONLYDANGER.
THE WEATHER CHANNEL SHOWED USTHE WILY SNOW CAN ATTACK YOU,
EVEN IN YOUR OWN HOME.
>> SNOW OVER THIS ENTIRE ROOFWOULD WEIGH 150,000 POUNDS.
THE WEIGHT ABOVE THIS ROOMALONE, THE EQUIVALENT OF THREE
FULL-SIZED GRAND PIANOS.
THAT'S ENOUGH WEIGHT TO HAVE THEROOF CAVE IN.
YOU GET TWO FEET OF SNOW UPTHERE, AND IT'S THE EQUIVALENT
OF NINE HEAVY-DUTY PICKUP TRUCKSON TOP OF THE ROOF.
AND WHEN THAT AMOUNT OF SNOWSTARTS TO SLIDE, IT CAN EASILY
DAMAGE OR DESTROY ANYTHING INITS PATH.
( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: WHY DO THEY PARK ON
THE ROOF!
WHEN DID THE WEATHER CHANNEL GETMICHAEL BAY TO DIRECT ITS
VIDEOS?
SURE, I'M BEST KNOWN FOR MYFILMS ON THE DANGERS OF FIGHTING
SPACE ROBOTS, BUT MY REALPASSION IS SEASONAL
PRECIPITATION SAFETY.
( LAUGHTER )CLEARLY, THE STORM OF THE
CENTURY WAS ON OUR HANDS WITHENOUGH SNOW TO CRUSH US IN OUR
BED!
AND, SURE, WHILE A LOT OF NEWENGLAND DID GET HORRIBLY HIT,
NEW YORK CITY-- THE PLACE WHEREALL THE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS
LIVE-- DID NOT GET HIT THATHARD.
( LAUGHTER )LEAVING THE NETWORKS WITH SOME
TOUGH CHOICES.
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT CONDITIONS HAVECHANGED, EASE UP ON THE
BREATHLESS HYPE, FOCUS YOURATTENTION ON NEW ENGLAND, WHERE
IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY SNOWING,OR DESPERATELY CLING TO THE
ORIGINAL NARRATIVE.
>> YOU CAN SEE THIS ROAD.
THIS IS A SIDE ROAD FROM THEBRIDGEPORT PORT JEFFERSON FERRY
TERMINAL.
THIS IS GETTING SNOW COVERED.
>> WE'RE SEEING AN INTENSE SNOWBAND MOVE THROUGH THE NEW YORK
CITY AREA NOW.
>> I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU AN IDEAOF WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH.
ALL THIS WIND-- HERE'S SOMESNOW.
YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IT GO UP.
CHECK THAT OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: BEHOLD!
GRAVITY!
COME ON, GUYS.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BESNOWPOCALYPSE.
YOU HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THIS.
>> WE'RE GOING TO SLIDE DOWNTHIS HILL REAL QUICK.
THERE WAS THIS PARKING LOT WASCOMPLETELY, COMPLETELY FULL, AND
NOW IT IS COMPLETELY EMPTY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: SO A PARKING LOTTHAT WAS ONCE FULL OVER TIME
BECAME EMPTY.
AND YET, SOMEWHERE ELSE ONEWOULD IMAGINE A PARKING LOT THAT
WAS ONCE EMPTY HAS BECOME FULL.
( LAUGHTER )AS THE CIRCLE OF PARKING-- AND
WHILE WEATHER REPORTERS BEARINGWITNESS TO A STORM'S POWER HAS
BECOME A BIT OF A CLICHE, THECONSTANTLY EVOLVING INNOVATIVE
INDUSTRY HAS ONCE AGAIN UPPEDTHEIR GAME.
I GIVE YOU ANCHOR IN A CAR.
>> GOOD EVENING FROM THESNOW-BOUND AND EERILY QUIET
STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY IT, IAM CHRIS HAYES.
RIGHT NOW WE ARE OUT AND ABOUTIN NEW YORK, WHERE VERY FEW
OTHERS ARE.
( LAUGHTER )>> Jon: YOU GUYS, YOU KNOW
GOOGLE STREET VIEW, RIGHT?
THAT WOULD BE A GOOD SHOCK,DON'T YOU THINK?
GOOGLE STREET VIEW, IF I TALKEDWHILE IT WAS GOING ON?
( LAUGHTER )BUT AS ALWAYS, WHEN THERE IS
INNOVATION IN THE FIELD OF NEWSGATHERING, WE LOOK TO CNN FOR
ITS WORST ITERATION.
>> I'M DON LEMON IN THEBLIZZARDMOBILE, SEEN IN THE
BLIZZARDMOBILE AND WE'RE OUTSHOWING WHAT HAPPENED IN
MANHATTAN LIVE AS IT HAPPENED.
>> Jon: BLIZZARDMOBILE?
SETTLE DOWN, BATMAN.
IT'S A FORD EXPLORER.
AND BY THE WAY, WITH THE WAYYOU'VE BEEN REPORTING LATELY,
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE NOT IN ANACTUAL BLIZZARDMOBILE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I GOTTA SAY-- I'M A LITTLECONFUSED.
UPON WHAT IS IT THAT YOU GUYSHAVE BEEN TELLING EVERYBODY IN
THE NEW YORK FOR THE PAST 12HOURS?
>> DRIVING CONDITIONS WILL TURNEVEN MORE DANGEROUS AS THE NIGHT
GOES ON.
>> PEOPLE BEING TOLD TO STAY OFFTHE ROADS.
>> REALLY ICY CONDITIONS.
>> ALL NON-EMERGENCY VEHICLESARE SUPPOSED TO BE OFF THE
STREETS.
>> Jon: SO EITHER DON LEMONAND THE BLIZZARDMOBILE DON'T
WATCH THEIR OWN NETWORK, OR HETHINKS ALL IT TAKES TO UPGRADE A
VEHICLE TO EMERGENCY STATUS ISGIVE IT A NAME ENDING IN
"MOBILE."
IT'S ONE THING FOR THE REPORTERSTO STAND OUTSIDE LIKE AN IDIOT
TO SHOW US IT WAS COLD.
THEY KNEW WHAT THEY WERE IN WHENTHEY PUT ON THE BRANDED PONCHO
AND IF THEY GET HURT, THEY GETHURT.
BUHOW DOES IT FEEL GETTINGBEHIND THE WHEEL OF AN S.U.V.
PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE AT RISK.
>> I'M DON LEMON, THE BREAKSNEWS HERE ON CNN, THE BLIZZARD
OF 2015.
IT IS BATTERING THE CITY OF NEWYORK.
>> Jon: REALLY, BATTERING?
( LAUGHTER )YOUR WINDSHIELD WIPERS ARE SET
TO INTERMITTENT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED TO TELLUS THAT'S SO IMPORTANT IT'S
WORTH SLIDING ON A PATCH OFBLACK ICE INTO A COUPLE OF
PEDESTRIANS?
>> ROBERT KRAFT SPOKE AT A PRESSCONFERENCE TODAY IN ARIZONA.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUTDEFLATE-GATE, RIGHT?
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THEPATRIOTS, AND THE FOOTBALL.
>> Jon: SO YOU'RE DOING THEWHOLE ( BLEEP ) SHOW FROM THE
CAR!
THE CAR YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TOBE IN DRIVING AROUND, BUT YOU'RE
DRIVING ON IT ANYWAY?
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUTDEFLATE-GATE.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN DOING THEWEATHER.
NO.
WHERE IS THAT SIGN LANGUAGE GUY?
( LAUGHTER )ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, NOW THEY SEE
THIS IN ACTION-- YOU KNOW WHAT,NO, I'M SORRY.
THIS IS MY BAD.
THIS IDEA HAS POTENTIAL.
>> WATCH OUT, CNN, THERE'S A NEWRIDE IN TOWN.
WHEN THE MAN TELLS NONEMERGENCYVEHICLES TO STAY OFF THE ROAD,
WE'RE ON IT, IN A VEHICLE.
LET'S HEAR FROM THE MAN ON THESTREET.
HARD-HITTING.
NEWS.
AND IT'S NOT JUST WEATHER.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT OTHER STUFF,TOO.
>> THINGS IN YEMEN ARE SPIRALINGOUT OF CONTROL.
♪ YOU KNOW I'M ALL ABOUT THAT ♪>> DON'T THINK WE'RE GOING TO
STOP IT FOR JUST INSIDE CARS.
FOR MORE ON THIS HISTORIC GREEKELECTION, WE TURN TO EUROZONE
EXPERT, GREG BERGA.
>> THIS IS A MAJOR SHIFT INPOWER.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TOFALL OFF.
OFF.
THIS IS MY LANE.
STAY IN YOUR LANE!
STAY IN YOUR LANE!
>> THE NEWS-->> ISIS IS CLAIMING
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ATTACK-->> DAMN IT!
TIME-OUT!
RIGHT NOW.
WHERE?
WHO KNOWS?
MORE ON THIS AND THE 360 PANEL.
PANEL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
J.K. POSSIBLE 360.
BUCKLE UP.
IT'S GOING TO GET BUMPY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Jon: WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK.