Kyle Kinane - Cheddar Bay Biscuits

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 04/28/2011
  • Views: 61,065

It's inappropriate to celebrate your favorite appetizer on the same day a beloved pop icon dies. (3:02)

THAT BEING SAID,IT SHOULD COME AS NO SURPRISE

WHEN I TELL YOU THAT I BELONGTO A FACEBOOK FAN PAGE

FOR RED LOBSTERCHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS.

(laughterand scattered applause)

FOR OBVIOUS REASONS--THEY'RE DELICIOUS,

THEY'RE CHEDDARY,THEY'RE A PERFECT PRELUDE

TO YOUR ENTREE,WHATEVER YOU MIGHT BE HAVING.

ALSO IN MY HEART OF HEARTS,I HOPE THAT SOMEWHERE

IN THIS WORLD THERE REALLY ISA GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION

KNOWN AS CHEDDAR BAY.

(laughter)

SOMEWHERE MAYBE NORTHOF NOVA SCOTIA

WHERE THE SAILORS CAN GUIDETHEIR WEARY VESSELS

INTO THE CHEESY WAVES

AND THE SALTY FOGWILL HIT THEM,

AND THEY'RE ALL BE CARRYINGTREASURES AND NECKLACES

FOR THEIR PORT LOVERSBY THE NAME OF BRANDY.

(laughter)

THAT BEING SAID,I WAS PRIVY TO WITNESS SOMETHING

BY BEING A MEMBEROF THAT FAN PAGE.

FOR WHATEVER REASON,THE DAY MICHAEL JACKSON DIED,

THE CHEDDAR BISCUIT FAN PAGEBECAME AN UNOFFICIAL FORUM

FOR MOURNING THE LOSSOF A RECORDING LEGEND.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY,BUT THAT DAY,

THE VENN DIAGRAMOF CHEDDAR BAY BISCUIT FANS

AND MICHAEL JACKSON FANSECLIPSED ITSELF.

(applause)THEY FOUND EACH OTHER.

AND I DON'T KNOW--I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S

A TRUE MARK THAT AS A SOCIETY,WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT

'CAUSE THAT'S TECHNOLOGYAND HUMAN COMPASSION

INTERTWININGTO SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER

OR IF THAT'S A CLEAR SIGNOF END OF TIMES.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT ALL I KNOWIS YOU GO ON ON THE DAY--

IT IS HUNDREDS OF COMMENTSOF PEOPLE JUST EULOGIZING

THE DEATHOF THE KING OF POP,

JUST, "OH, MY GOD, MIKE. OH,R.I.P., MICHAEL, WE LOVE YOU.

YOUR MUSIC MEANT SO MUCH."

JUST DOZENS, DOZENS.

THE THING IS, THOUGH,EVERY 60 OR 70 COMMENTS,

SOMEBODY WILL LOG IN AND LEAVE A COMMENT

THAT CLEARLY HAD NOT HEARDTHE NEWS YET.

SO LIKE COMMENT 63WILL BE LIKE,

"OH, MY GOD, MICHAEL JACKSON,YOU MEANT SO MUCH.

R.I.P., REST IN PEACE.GOOD LUCK IN HEAVEN, MAN."

AND THEN COMMENT 64 WOULDJUST LIKE SOMEBODY GOING,

"MAN, CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITSARE THE (bleep), AM I RIGHT?!"

AND THE THING IS IT WOULD BESO QUICKLY POLICED

BY THE CHEDDAR BISCUITCOMMUNITY, THOUGH,

'CAUSE YOU COULD SEETHE TIME CODE BY MINUTE,

AND LIKE A MINUTE AFTER SOMEBODYWOULD JUST BE LIKE,

"CHEDDAR BISCUITSARE THE (bleep),"

A MINUTE LATER,SOMEBODY YOU COULD TELL

WAS JUST LIKE(inhales deeply)

"LISTEN, DUDE, TODAY'SNOT ABOUT CHEDDAR BISCUITS.

TODAY'S ABOUT M.J., OKAY?"

LIKE, THEY WERE ANGRYBUT THEY KNEW, "OKAY,

HE DOESN'T KNOW,HE DOESN'T KNOW,"

AND YOU COULD FEELTHE REMORSE EMANATE.

YOU COULD JUST FEEL THAT GUY,LIKE, "I AM SO SORRY.

"I JUST--I WAKE UP,I STRETCH,

"AND I LOG ON TO MYCHEDDAR BISCUITS FAN PAGE

"AND SEE WHAT MY BROTHERSAND SISTERS ARE UP TO.

"I DO NOT GOTO NATIONAL NEWS SITES.

I COME HERE TO EXPRESS JOYOUT OF THIS APPETIZER,"

AND I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'SBEAUTIFUL OR TERRIFYING

BUT IT'S SOMETHING, MAN,I DON'T KNOW.

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