Jake Johannsen - Chicken Donut

  • Season 7 , Ep 9
  • 04/03/2003
  • Views: 2,768

Jake sampled Hong Kong's gravy-filled donut. (3:04)

REALLY.

BUT I DO FLY A LOT,

TRAVEL AROUND.

I HAD--

MY BIGGEST TRIP EVER WAS ABOUT

A YEAR, YEAR AND A HALF AGO,

I WENT TO HONG KONG, CHINA.

WELL, THERE MIGHT BE ANOTHER ONE

IN TENNESSEE, I DON'T KNOW.

BUT, AH, I WENT TO CHINA,

AND, YOU KNOW, THEY TELL BEFORE

YOU GO TO HONG KONG THAT

EVERYBODY IN HONG KONG SPEAKS

ENGLISH, BECAUSE IT USED TO BE

BRITISH, YOU KNOW?

BUT THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLI--

THE CAB DRIVERS DO NOT EVEN

SPEAK ENGLISH, WHICH--

THAT REALLY SURPRISED ME.

BECAUSE, I MEAN, THE CAB DRIVERS

HERE DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH.

SO I HAD ASSUMED THERE WAS

SOME KIND OF EXCHANGE PROGRAM

GOING ON.

AND, AH...

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH, I THOUGHT I'D GET

OVER THERE, AND I THOUGHT

THE GUY WOULD BE LIKE,

"WHERE TO, BUDDY?"

I SPEAK THAT CRAZY LINGO.

I BRING NEWS OF HOME.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

BUT, IT TU--

THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.

BUT THEY WERE VERY NICE.

THEY TOOK US AROUND.

WE WAN--

I WANTED TO TRY THE CHINESE FOOD

IN CHINA, YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I LIKE CHINESE FOOD,

AND I THOUGHT THE CHINESE FOOD

IN CHINA IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN

THE CHINESE FOOD HERE,

BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THEY MAKE

THE CHINESE PEOPLE.

AND, AH, AND THEY'RE MADE OUT

OF CHINESE FOOD, WHEN YOU THINK

ABOUT IT.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S TRUE.

HOW CAN YOU BE MAD AT THAT?

ANYWAY, SO IT TURNS OUT THAT

ACTUALLY, THE--

FACTUALLY, THE CHINESE FOOD

IN CHINA IS NOT BETTER THAN

THE CHINESE FOOD HERE,

MOSTLY BECAUSE OF DIFFERENCES

OF DEFINITIONS OF WORDS THAT

WE HAVE, LIKE FOR EXAMPLE, BEEF.

(LAUGHTER)

WHICH--

AND THAT--

MAYBE NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I'M TALKING ABOUT IS WHEN WE SAY

BEEF, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT

THE MEAT PART OF THE COW,

NOT THE EYE.

AND THAT'S THE THING.

THEY EAT THE WHOLE COW

OVER THERE.

SO, WHEN YOU ORDER BEEF NOODLE,

YOU'RE LUCKY IF THE GUY DOESN'T

BRING YOU EYE NOODLE.

AND HE HAS NO IDEA WHEN YOU

COMPLAIN TO--

EXCUSE ME, "WAITER, THERE'S

AN EYE IN HERE."

HE'S LIKE, "OH, YEAH.

NUMBER ONE EYE, FOR YOU."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM,

"I DON'T WANT THE EYE."

WE FINALLY GOT TO THE POINT

WHERE WE HAD TO QUIT HAVING

THE FULL CHINESE DINNER.

WE SWITCHED TO JUST HAVE

THE APPETIZERS, YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE THAT WAY, IF YOU MAKE

A MISTAKE, YOU JUST HAVE A SMALL

WRONG THING, JUST THE--

EVEN THE APPETIZERS, THOUGH,

THEY WILL COMBINE TWO DIFFERENT

FOODS OVER THERE, THAT WE WOULD

NEVER IN THE UNITED STATES--

THERE'S NO ONE IN THE

UNITED STATES WORKING

ON A CHICKEN DOUGHNUT.

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEY HAVE NOT PERFECTED

IT OVER THERE EITHER.

IT'S--

THE PROBLEM--

I MEAN, WHEN YOU SEE A DOUGHNUT,

YOU THINK THERE'S JELLY

OR CHOCOLATE OR CREAM IN THERE

NOT GRAVY.

AND, YEAH, AS SOON AS THAT THING

GETS IN YOU, IT WANTS OUT.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IT DOESN'T CARE WHICH WAY

EITHER.

YOU'RE LIKE, WELL, I DON'T THINK

THAT WAS DEAD BECAUSE IT STILL

HAS AN IDEA.

AND THEN, EVENTUALLY, YOU GOTTA

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