Craig Shoemaker - The Love Master

  • Season 9 , Ep 19
  • 06/16/2005
  • Views: 17,159

The Love Master passes on his gift to his son. (3:48)

I'M THE LOVER MASTER BABY,

THAT'S RIGHT BABY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DON'T YOU LAUGH AT THE

LOVE MASTER I COULD CHIP YOUR

TOOTH FROM RIGHT HERE, BABY.

THAT'S RIGHT I'LL TAKE YOU OUT

FOR BREAKFAST.

I CAN HOLD TWO CUPS OF COFFEE

AND A DOZEN DONUTS RIGHT THERE,

BABY.

THAT'S RIGHT OHHHH YEAH, BABY!

I'M AS HARD AS FINAL JEOPARDY!

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I WAS CIRCUMCISED BY A BANDSAW.

WHEN I GET EXCITED THE BLOOD

BANK GOES ON EMERGENCY ALERT,

THAT'S RIGHT BABY.

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

I GOT FOUR INCHES RIGHT HERE.

SOME WOMAN DON'T LIKE IT

THAT WIDE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I AM THE LOVE MASTER,

MASTER OF LOVE.

ONE NIGHT WITH ME LIKE SWEATIN'

LIKE JESSICA SIMPSON TAKING

THE SAT'S.

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I AM THE LOVE MASTER,

MASTER OF LOVE BABY.

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT

BACK THERE, I'LL STIR YOUR DRINK

FROM RIGHT HERE, BABY.

I GOT A DRINK,

IT'S PENISCOLLASES,

THAT'S RIGHT.

YEAH.

YOU WANNA TAKE A PICTURE?

SET THAT CAMERA ON PANORAMA.

YEAH.

I'D SHOW IT TO YOU BUT IT'S

CAUGHT IN MY SHOE.

YEAH.

OH, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

YOU THINK IT'S A FAIRY TALE,

WELL, PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON,

BABY.

COME ON AND TELL PINOCCHIO

A LIE.

CLIMB THE MAGIC BEANSTALK BABY,

FEE FI FO FUM, LAY ON DOWN

AND I'LL MAKE YOU...

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA

DO FOR YOU, BABY!

YEAH.

YEAH.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

OH, I'LL LOVE YOU SO GOOD

YOUR NEIGHBOR'LL HAVE A SMOKE,

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I DID A GIRL SO GOOD THE POLICE

CAME THREE TIMES, THAT'S RIGHT

BABY, YEAH.

I'LL HAVE YOUR KNEES KNOCKING

LIKE A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS

ON A PLEDGE DRIVE.

THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

YEAH.

OH, YOU'LL BE BREATHING HEAVIER

THAN RUBEN STUDDARD ON A

STAIRMASTER, THAT'S RIGHT BABY.

YEAH, WE'LL HAVE SAFE SEX,

GO GET ME A HEFTY BAG.

YEAH.

ARE YOU IN REAL ESTATE?

CAN YOU TELL ME IS THIS A LOT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, I GO THE POKEMAN WAITING

RIGHT HERE FOR YOU, BABY.

FIRST I GOTTA GET A PEEK-ACH-EW.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

YOU LOOK A LITTLE HUNGRY.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT BABY,

I LIKE FRENCH FOOD.

BONE APPETITE BABY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, YOU INTO STAR WARS?

WELL, COME ON UP HERE AND

CHEW BAKA.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE'S SOME PEOPLE STARING

AT ME RIGHT NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM?

WHERE'D THE MINI VAN GUY GO?

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

I REALIZED THE OTHER DAY

I'M A ROLE MODEL.

I'M A DAD.

MY SON'S GONNA IMITATE ME

IN THE SCHOOLYARD.

"OH YEAH, THAT'S NO RULER

YOU'RE LOOKING AT THERE, BABY.

COME ON AND GET ON THE

TEETER-TOTTER."

I CAN'T WAIT FOR PARENT/TEACHER

DAY.

THIS TEACHER'S GONNA CALL ME IN,

"WHERE'D HE LEARN THAT?"

"RIGHT HERE, BABY.

I BUST UP A COUPLE APPLES

FOR THE TEACHER, COME ON AND

FIND THE WORM."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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