Thank You, Jessica Williams

06/29/2016 Views: 5,454

With correspondent Jessica Williams's departure, The Daily Show takes a look back at her greatest moments. (3:20)

- Jessica Williams.

- Jessica Williams.

- Jessica Williams.

- Thank you for joining us Jessica.

- Oh yeah, it's no problem Jon.

I'm just going to another pool party.

- I mean, this was a pool party.

- Mmhmm.

- It's supposed to be fun, you know the water balloons

and super soakers.

- A water gun?

At a Texas pool party?

Are you trying to get me killed?

- Why are you in trouble with the law?

- I uploaded a video.

I'm young Jon, it's what we do.

We upload things.

♪ All the single ladies

♪ All the single ladies

♪ All the single ladies

Yeah, that was a mistake.

I mean I looked good,but that was a mistake.

(fun upbeat music)

Now let's take my walk to work.

For most guys, it's justa calm boring commute.

- [Jessica] But for me,it's like I'm competing

in a beauty pageant every day,

and if I don't want people talking to me

when I walk to work, all I have to do is

♪ Forever in peace

- Act like a psycho.

You're gonna sit here

and you're gonna watchher get her braids done.

It's gonna take four hours.

Okay?

Don't look at me, eyes on target.

This isn't a 20 minute tactical crew cut,

this is boots on the ground,

hands in the hair, all damn day.

You got a driver, you got a dancer.

That's two jobs for one tractor.

- Oh, gosh.

- If white people feel uncomfortable,

then we have to change it.

And then pretend it's the way it's always been.

That's how this becomes this.

White people don't wannahear Jailhouse Rock

from somebody who's actually been to jail.

Real jail is uncomfortable.

Elvis jail is fun!

Shut up, shut up. - Okay

When you're in the cab, follow your route on Google maps,

if the driver makes a weird left turn,

drop a pin on the map, call 911

and get ready to jump girl, you in danger.

Race was brought in because Beyonce was brought in

and, brace yourself, you might wanna sit down for this,

but Beyonce is black.

(screaming)

The point is, Beyonce is black and this song is her message.

That's what artists do.

Like how Bruno Mars delivered his message

about how uptown was gonna funk me up.

That's a threat, I live uptown,

I barely slept after that performance.

Is it fair to say that because

you're priest you're a pedophile?

- Well of course not.

- Could you take that logic

and apply that to the transgender community?

- They're apples and oranges.

- By apples and oranges do you mean apples and apples?

- [Jessica] These people are up against some bullshit.

- Give me some offensivecomments or questions

and I'll give you some good answers.

- Do you have a (beep)?

- Um, I don't currentlyhave a (beep).

- Do you have cadaver tits?

- Don't tell me what that is?

- Would you chop it off?

- Do straight womendate you? Or gay women?

- Do you ever suck (beep)?

- People ask me the question, what are you, all the time.

- Hold on, I just have to do something.

Hey guys, it's TV's Jessica Williams.

If you ever feel the need ask what are you,

do me a favor and just don't (beep) do it.

(electric music)

- Is that pioneer choking that Native American

dude to death or do I have something crazy in my eye?

The votes are in, show me the new seal.

(laughing)

Are you (beep) kidding me?

This morning I spoke with the mayor of Whitesboro,

and guess what?

They are changing the seal!

(cheering)

We did it!

- We solved racism!

- We fixed it!

(upbeat music)