Asif Ali - Baller Fundraisers

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 11/14/2013
  • Views: 6,920

Asif Ali thinks that ballers at the club could actually become great humanitarians. (2:06)

WE ARE DOING THIS INTHE BACK OF A HOUSE

IN A PARTY THAT I WOULD NEVERGET INVITED TO IN REAL LIFE.

YEAH!

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE UP TOPFOR LOOKING LIKE

AN INDIAN ELLEN DEGENERES.

[laughter]

GUYS, I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.WE ALL LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.

AND IT IS A DELIGHT!

SOME OF MY FRIENDSHAVE BEEN MOVING TO L.A.

THE ONE PERSON THAT'S DOINGREALLY, REALLY WELL

IS MY FRIEND KYLIE.

AND SHE'S, LIKE,SUPER, SUPER HOT.

LIKE, WAY--LIKE, SHE'S A DISTRACTION.

AND SHE GETS THE JOB IN L.A.

THAT ALL REALLY,REALLY HOT GIRLS GET.

SHE WORKS AT A NIGHTCLUB,

WHICH, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU GUYS KNOW,

BASICALLY,WHAT THAT JOB ENTAILS

IS YOU BE SUPER HOT,WEAR A LOW-CUT SHIRT,

AND MAKE MORE THAN AN ENGINEERIN ONE NIGHT.

SHE SHOWED MEONE OF THE RECEIPTS.

TWO DUDES SPENT $10,000ON BOTTLES.

AND I NEVER GO TO CLUBSSO I WAS, LIKE,

"SO WHAT WERE THEYCELEBRATING?

"WAS IT--WAS IT SOME SORTOF ANNIVERSARY?

A QUINCEANERA, PERHAPS,HUH?"

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"NO, YOU IDIOT.

"THEY'RE BALLERS,IT'S A TUESDAY.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO."

AND I WAS, LIKE,WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME

TRYING TO RAISE MONEYIN THIS COUNTRY.

EVERY TIME A DISASTER HAPPENS,WE HAVE TO PUT TOGETHER

SOME SHITTY CONCERT WHERESOME TERRIBLE BAND YOU HATE

RUINS SOME SONGYOU DO LIKE,

AND IT MAKES YOULIKE THE TSUNAMI.

AND IT'S LIKE, WHY DON'T WETAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE DUDES?

'CAUSE THE ONLY TIME DUDESARE JUST GIVING MONEY AWAY

EXTEMPORANEOUSLYIS WHEN THEY'RE BALLERS

AND THEY'RE AROUNDHOT CHICKS.

AND I, FOR ONE,WOULD LIKE TO LIVE IN A WORLD

WHERE I WALK INTO A BAR,AND AS I'M BEING KICKED OUT

FOR WEARING A FANNY PACK,

I SEE THREE DUDESUP IN THE MEZZANINE,

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"HEY, YO,

"LET ME GET EIGHT BOTTLESOF CIROC

"AND $10,000TO AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.

SHAKE THAT ASS, BITCH!"

AND THERE'S JUST A GIRLJUST, LIKE...

[moaning, groaning]

"YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON.

POUR YOUR HUMANITARIANISMON ME."

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