Rich Vos - Divorce

Tough Crowd Stands Up with Colin Quinn Season 1, Ep 0101 12/08/2002 Views: 5,424

Rich Vos was so relieved when his wife asked for a divorce. (1:39)

I'M DIVORCED, ANY DIVORCED FOLKS

HERE?

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

ONE GUY IN THE BACK.

[LAUGHTER]

HOW OLD ARE YOU, YOU'RE LIKE

TWELVE?

HOW CAN YOU BE DIVORCED?

DIVORCE SUCKS.

LET ME TELL YOU, AFTER FIVE

YEARS OF MARRIAGE FOR ME IT IS

DEVASTATING TO HAVE THE PERSON

WITH THE GOOD CREDIT MOVE OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT, I REMEMBER THE DAY A MY

EX-WIFE TOLD ME SHE WAS LEAVING,

I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL AND SHE

WALKS IN AND SAYS, "WE GOTTA

TALK."

I'M LIKE, "AH, NO."

SHE SAID, "YOU'RE SELFISH,

SELF-CENTERED, SHOW NO

AFFECTION, YOU'RE NOT

RESPONSIBLE, I WANT A DIVORCE."

I WAS SO RELIEVED 'CAUSE I

THOUGHT SHE WANTED ME TO TURN

OFF THE GAME.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AH, STOP, STOP, AH.

WHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM?

INDIA.

ARE YOU FROM INDIA, FOR REAL?

GET OUT A HERE.

YOU KNOW, I BOUGHT A PAIR OF

REAL SCREWED UP SANDALS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU LIVE HERE NOW, HUH?

IT'S GREAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO

WALK DOWN TO THE RIVER TO DO

YOUR LAUNDRY, AH.

[LAUGHTER AND GROANS]

OH, LOOSEN UP, PLEASE.

BIG BABIES.

YOU WANT POETRY GO TO SOHO.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I'M DIVORCED, I GOT KIDS.

MY 13 YEAR-OLD, SHE IS SO WISE.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY GET IT

FROM, AH.

THE OTHER DAY I WAS TELLING MY

10 YEAR-OLD, I GO, "CLEAN YOUR

ROOM, CLEAN YOUR ROOM BEFORE I

TELL YOUR MOTHER."

MY 13 YEAR-OLD SAID, "YOU'RE THE

FATHER YOU DEAL WITH IT."

I GO, "YOU KNOW WHAT,

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOM."

SHE GOES, "NO, I'M NOT 'CAUSE

I CAN STILL TOLERATE YOU."

YOU GUYS ARE A LOT OF FUN,