Todd Barry - Substitute Teacher

Katz, Barry, Sklar Brothers Season 2, Ep 11 05/26/1993 Views: 5,422

Todd made $72.14 during his first year of substitute teaching. (1:59)

So this is nice.

It's like being inconcert here tonight, huh?

In concert, yeah.

I hate going to concertsat these big places--

these big arenas.

I went to buytickets for a concert

at Madison SquareGarden recently.

The guy said we onlyhave a few tickets left.

They're $25, and the seatsare behind the stage.

I said, behind the stage?

That's all right.

I'll stay home.

He goes, stay home? $10.

The guy charged me to stay home.

So I used to be a teacher.

Any teachers here tonight?


All right, couple of drunkteachers out on the town.

That's good.

I used to be asubstitute teacher.

That's a crazy job.

They call you up at 6o'clock in the morning.

They wake you up.

Then they ask you if you'dlike to come into work.

And you can say no.

My first year ofteaching I made $72.14.

I had to work thatone day to show

my dedication to the children.

But these kids used to makeunreasonable demands of me

all the time.

Like, they'd wantto use the restroom.

Seriously,straight-faced, they would

ask, Mr.Barry, can Igo to the bathroom?

I'd be like, no, of course not.

I can't leave.

You can't leave.

Kid would always giveme the same threat.

(NASAL VOICE) Well, ifyou don't let me go,

I'm just going topee in the corner.

I'm like, go ahead.

I'm subbing for theteacher, not the janitor.

Why don't you pee inall four corners, man?

Entertain me.

In fact, why don't youleave a little something

in the teacher's desk, huh?

Kind of a welcome back present.

Never taught summerschool, though.

I never understood theconcept of summer school.

Teacher's going to go upthere and go, OK, class,

you know that subject youcouldn't grasp in nine months?

We're going to whipit out in six weeks.

Five hours a day of geometry.