Eliot Chang - Always Posing

  • Season 14 , Ep 19
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 21,942

Facebook is the red carpet for pretty women who don't have careers or any real talent. (2:50)

HIDE BEHIND TECHNOLOGY.

TECHNOLOGY'S SUPPOSEDTO HELP US.

IT SEPARATES US AS HUMAN BEINGS.

NO ONE TALKS ANYMORE.THEY TEXT.

NO ONE SENDS A LETTER ANYMORE.THEY E-MAIL.

LIKE, I HATE WHEN I MEET A GIRL,I'M TRYING TO GET TO KNOW HER,

AND SHE'S LIKE, "OH,YOU CAN JUST FACEBOOK ME."

"BITCH, MY FACE IS HERERIGHT NOW!"

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

AND I HATE ANYONE WHO UPDATESTHEIR FACEBOOK STATUS

EVERY 30 [BLEEP] MINUTES.

I HATE YOU!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I HATE, HATE, HATE YOU.

"LOOK HOW AMAZING MY LIFE IS!"

NO, IT'S NOT, 'CAUSE YOU'REUPDATING EVERY 30 MINUTES!

YOU'RE NOT DOING [BLEEP]

ALL RIGHT, REAL PEOPLEWITH REAL AMAZING CAREERS,

LIKE ASTRONAUTS OR GUYS WORKINGON A CURE FOR CANCER --

LIKE, THEY DON'T UPDATETHEIR STATUS,

'CAUSE THEY'RE DOINGREAL [BLEEP]

BUT YOU KNOW WHO LOVESTO UPDATE THEIR STATUS?

YOU KNOW WHO LOVES FACEBOOK?

PRETTY WOMEN,BECAUSE FOR PRETTY WOMEN

WHO DON'T HAVE AMAZING CAREERSOR ANY REAL TALENT IN ANYTHING,

FACEBOOK IS THEIR RED CARPET.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

THAT'S WHY THEY ALWAYS HAVE20 PHOTO ALBUMS

WITH 20 PICTURES OF PAGESIN EACH ALBUM.

THEY'RE ALWAYS POSINGFOR PAPARAZZI THAT AREN'T THERE.

"HEY!"[ IMITATES CAMERA CLICKING ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE DON'T NEED 400 PICTURESOF YOU FROM THE SAME NIGHT!

NOTHING HAS CHANGEDFROM 8:15 TO 8:30.

IT'S THE SAME DRESS, SAME HAIR,SAME STUPID FACE.

UNLESS YOU'RE A [BLEEP]TRANSFORMER, CUT THE [BLEEP]

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ IMITATES MECHANICAL WHIRRING ]

"WOW, SHE TURNEDINTO A BLACK GUY.

I'M GLAD I TOOK A PICTURE.NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME."

AND, LADIES, DON'T YOU REALIZEHOW DANGEROUS IT IS

TO ALWAYS TELL PEOPLE WHATYOU'RE DOING AT ALL TIMES,

'CAUSE IF SOMEONE WANTEDTO STALK YOU,

YOU'RE MAKING IT VERY EASYFOR THEM TO DO IT.

IN FACT, GUYS, IF YOU KNOWA GIRL LIKE THIS,

TEACH HER A LESSON.

EVERY TIMESHE UPDATES HER STATUS,

YOU UPDATE YOUR STATUSWITH THE SAME [BLEEP]

SERIOUSLY.

"HEY, GUYS, I'M GETTING COFFEEAT STARBUCKS."

"HEY, EVERYONE,I JUST WALKED INTO STARBUCKS."

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

"HEY, I'M GETTING LINGERIEAT VICTORIA'S SECRET."

"I'M IN THE FITTING ROOMAT VICTORIA'S SECRET."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I JUST GOT HOME,GONNA TAKE A SHOWER."

"ABOUT TO USE MY NEW BINOCULARS.ALL RIGHT."

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