Arnez J - Getting Into Heaven

  • Season 7 , Ep 27
  • 08/28/2003
  • Views: 13,711

Arnez J is ready to get into heaven by any means necessary. (1:53)

PRAISE TO MY GOD AND SAVIOR,

LORD JESUS.

HE IS NUMBER ONE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE

WITHOUT HIM WE ARE NOTHING.

YOU KNOW THEY SAY-- "AND GOD'S

ON HIS WAY BACK RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, THEY WATERING THE HORSES

RIGHT NOW."

I MEAN, YOU AIN'T GOTTA BELIEVE

IN HIM, 'CAUSE IT'S GOING

TO HAPPEN.

AND THEY SAY WHEN HE COMES BACK

HE'S GOING TO COME BACK WITHIN

THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE.

THAT'S MEANS IF YOU GO LIKE

THAT, "WHAT HAPPENED?"

GOD CAME WHEN?

ALL I DID WAS THIS.

COULD'VE BEEN HIM.

YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR HEAVEN PASS?

OOH!

BUT NO MATTER WHAT, I GOT

TO GO TO HEAVEN, I'M SORRY,

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

THIS NEGRO GOT TO GO IN.

ST. PETE COULD BE A FRONT GATE

RIGHT NOW TRYING TO STOP HE'D

BE LIKE, "OH, HOLD UP, DON'T PUT

YOUR HANDS ON ME.

JUST TALK TO ME.

W-- W-- W-- JUST TALK TO ME,

PETE.

JUST-- T-- TALK TO ME."

I CAN DO THAT TO ST. PETE.

HE AIN'T GOD.

"WHATCHA MEAN YOU NEED TO CHECK

THE LIST?

WELL, CHECK IT THEN.

WHATCHA MEAN YOU DON'T SEE

MY NAME?

WELL, GO GET GOD."

YOU GOING TO HELL YOU MIGHT

AS WELL SAY WHAT YOU GOTTA SAY

ANYWAY.

"GOD, WHAT'S UP, PIMPIN'?"

[LAUGHTER]

"MAN, TELL HIM THAT I BELONG

IN THE VIP SECTION.

WHATCHA MEAN GO DOWN THERE?

I CAN'T MY SKIN'S SENSITIVE.

YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GO DOWN

THERE."

BUT I-- SPEAKING OF SENSITIVE

THOUGH-- OKAY--

NO, I'M GOING TO STOP.

I'M GOING TO STOP.

SPEAKING OF SENSITIVE--

I JUST PRAY--

YOU KNOW I HAVE A LOT OF

GAY FRIENDS.

MY BROTHER'S GAY.

I JUST CAN'T CATCH 'EM.

I KNOW HE IS!

[LAUGHTER]

I SHOULDA KNOWN WHEN HE THREW--

WE WERE PLAYING BASEBALL ONE

DAY.

YOU KNOW HOW HE THROW THE BALL.

HE TAKE THE BALL AND HE JUST

KINDA--

[LAUGHTER]

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE

A GAY ANGEL WHEN I GET UP THERE.

I'M TIRED.

I JUST DON'T WANT TO SEE

SOMEBODY FLAPPING 'EM, "OOH,

WAIT A MINUTE."

"OOH, WHO DUN TOOK MY WING

SPRAY?

WHO DUN TOOK IT?"

I KNOW I'M EVIL.

BUT THAT'S JUST--

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