But I want y'all to takethis serious.
This is gonna bethe most serious thing
I tell you all night.
Maybe because of my experience,
you won't have to learnthe hard way.
Fellas, listen to this.
If you live with a woman
and she has a joband you do not have a job...
when she gets up to go to work,
you get up and do something.
Just put some work boots on
and sit on the porchuntil she leaves,
you know what I'm saying?
Get your old shirt from when youused to work at Taco Bell,
say "Tony called, said he needsme for the lunch rush."
Make her thinkyou got something to do.
Women don't like itwhen you just lay around
their couch all day.I did not know that.
As much time as I spent at mymother's house, I had no idea.
I was living with this girlfor one month and one half.
She put me right out.You understand that?
She put me right out.
We together... you know,I don't do much during the day.
I'm a comedian.She got a full-time job.
This particular day,she's been gone forever.
She been at work eight hours,been to the cleaners,
the gym, the store,been in traffic both ways.
She been gonefor about 15 hours.
I haven't done a damn thing.Nothing.
I didn't even feel bad about it
until I heard the keyhit the keyhole.
Oh, my God, it was like my mamawas coming home.
The whole day just wentin slow motion.
I'm like, oh...
Try to run in the kitchen realquick, cut the hot water on,
act like I'm aboutto wash dishes.
Meet her at the front doorwith a kiss and a lie.
Hey, baby, how was your day?Listen...
before you go in the kitchen,I just want to let you know
I was just about to wash dishes.
That's whythat water's not warm.
I've been staying over therefor a month and a half.
She don't even go to thekitchen, she go straight
to the living room.
"But the back of the TV is hotas a son of a bitch, Gerard.
"PlayStation has got smoke...
"Smoke don't supposedto come off the PlayStation.
You're 35 years old."