Wheelchair Cat

  • Season 1 , Ep 1
  • 10/12/2010
  • Views: 380,342

Meet Mr. Stitches the Trust Fund Kitty in a sneak peek of Nick Swardson's new show. (2:55)

DIED,

SHE LEFT HER ENTIRE ESTATE TO HER CAT, MR. STITCHES.

HER SON EDMOND,

DISTRAUGHT FROM BEING LEFT OUT OF THE WILL,

DECIDED TO TAKE ACTIONS INTO HIS OWN HANDS.

( snorting )

( tires squeal )

( meowing )

POLICE LISTED IT AS AN UNSOLVED HIT AND RUN.

( machine beeping )

DOCTORS WERE ABLE TO SAVE MR. STITCHES,

BUT THE ACCIDENT LEFT HIM PARALYZED BELOW THE WAIST.

THE HOSPITAL BILL ATE UP ALL OF HIS $10 MILLION INHERITANCE,

FORCING MR. STITCHES TO BECOME "WHEELCHAIR CAT."

♪ IS THIS MY LIFE?

♪ ARE THESE MY WORDS OR IS THERE SOMEONE ♪

♪ TALKING THROUGH ME?

♪ IS THIS MY LIFE?

♪ ARE THESE MY DREAMS

♪ OR SCENES FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S MOVIE? ♪

♪ SHOULDN'T TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE ♪

♪ AT ALL.

( hip hop playing )

Computerized voice: BOTTLE SERVICE.

RIGHT AWAY, SIR.

UM, WE REALLY CAN'TAFFORD THAT.

YOU PUT THAT CHECK FROM DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS

IN MY ACCOUNT, RIGHT? WE'LL BE FINE.

OH, NO, HERE COMES EDMOND.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TOOL. I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

EXCUSE ME.GET OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE.

YEAH, FASTER. THANKS.

- HELLO, EDMOND.- HEY, MR. STITCHES.

HOW'S REHAB?

I WENT BECAUSE I GOT RUN OVER.

IT'S DIFFERENT THAN THE REHAB YOU GO TO,

ROBERT DOWNEY SYNDROME.

WHAT-EV.

I SEE YOU'REENJOYING MY MONEY.

IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S MONEY.

AND YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE HURTING.

I'M NOT.I MARRIED KIMBERLY SNAPPLEOF THE BEVERAGE FAMILY.

IT'S PRETTY GREAT. I JUSTDRINK A LOT OF FREE SNAPPLE

AND I GET TO NAMEMY OWN FLAVOR.

WHERE IS KIMBERLY?

- SWEETIE, SHOULD I JOIN YOU?- NO!

CONGRATS, EDMOND. SHE LOOKS LIKE E.T. WITH H.I.V.

YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS,YOU STUPID ( bleep ) PUSSY?

SECURITY.

KITTY WANT TO GET HURT?

'CAUSE KITTY GONNA GET HURT!KITTY GONNA GET HURT!

- KITTY GONNA GET HURT!- ( glass breaks )

LOOK WHAT FELLOUT OF HIS POCKET.

GIVE IT TO ME.

I'LL TAKE IT TO THE BATHROOM AND, UH...

ERR... FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET.

COME ON, YOU'REGOING TO SNORT IT.

YOU EVEN TYPED IN "UH, ERR"WHILE YOU WERE THINKINGOF AN EXCUSE.

GIVE ME THE BAG, WOMAN, OR I WILL CUT YOU.

OKAY.

POWDERED DOUGHNUTS MAKE ME GO NUTS.

FOLLOW THE FLOUR SNOW "O"s.

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