Joey Kola - Men, Women and Elephants

  • Season 7 , Ep 21
  • 07/10/2003
  • Views: 3,820

Men only want four things out of life. (2:42)

I DON'T WANNA BE CRUEL

OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, I DON'T

WANNA SOUND MEAN OR CRUEL.

BUT NOBODY'S LIVIN' THEIR LIVES,

ANYMORE, YOU KNOW?

YOU GOTTA ENJOY YOUR LIVES.

JUST ENJOY IT, AND ENJOY

THE RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE

WITH PEOPLE WHILE THEY'RE HERE.

WHICH IS WHY I COME TO THIS NEXT

PART, WHICH I'M HESITANT TO TALK

ABOUT.

[LAUGHTER]

MEN AND WOMEN.

[LAUGHTER]

MEN AND WOMEN'LL NEVER

UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.

IT'S WHAT EVERY SONG IS WRITTEN

ABOUT, IT'S WHAT EVERY BOOK IS

WRITTEN ABOUT.

WE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND EACH

OTHER.

IT'S ALWAYS CONFLICT.

WE'RE NOT SATISFIED WHAT WE GOT.

WE ALWAYS WANT MORE.

AND WE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND

WHAT EACH OF US REALLY WANTS.

I'M GONNA DISPEL ALL THE RUMORS

HERE TONIGHT.

LADIES, I'M SORRY I'M BEIN'

SO BLUNT, AND GUYS, I'M SORRY

I'M GIVIN' UP OUR SECRET.

BUT ALL MEN WANT IN LIFE ARE

FOUR THINGS.

WE WANNA EAT, SLEEP, POOP AND

HAVE SEX.

THAT'S IT!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IF IT DOESN'T FIT INTO ONE OF

THOSE FOUR CATEGORIES, LADIES,

WE REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT IT

AT ALL.

AND LADIES, IF YOU'RE HERE WITH

A GUY WHO'S TELLING YOU ANYTHING

DIFFERENT, HE IS LYING TO YOU TO

GET TO ONE OF THOSE FOUR THINGS.

[APPLAUSE]

AND AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT, IT'S

NOT EATIN', SLEEPIN' OR POOPIN'.

HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

DO ME A FAVOR.

FOR ME, JUST HAVE SEX WITH THE

GUY, PLEASE?

I'M BEGGIN' YA!

IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, IT TAKES

THREE MINUTES.

PLEASE, JUST DO IT.

[LAUGHTER]

JUST DO IT!

[APPLAUSE]

WE TRY TO SEEM LIKE WE'RE

INTERESTED, BUT WE'RE NOT.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SAME

THINGS YOU CARE ABOUT.

WE DON'T CARE IF THE WALLPAPER

MATCHES THE DRAPES.

WE DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF

POTPOURRI YOU JUST PUT IN THE

BATHROOM!

WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR NEW

SLIPPERS LOOK LIKE, UNLESS

YOU'RE WEARING THEM WHILE YOU'RE

HAVING SEX WITH ME!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THEN WE REALLY CARE.

IT'S NOT JUST HUMANS.

DON'T BLAME ME 'CAUSE

I'M A HUMAN.

IT'S EVERY MALE SPECIES

ON THE PLANET.

YOU WANNA LEARN ABOUT LIFE,

YOU WATCH THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL,

RIGHT?

THE MALE BULL ELEPHANT IS A

SOLITARY CREATURE, ONLY JOINING

THE HERD FOR MATING AND

COURTSHIP.

THAT'S A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE

DISCOVERY CHANNEL.

SO OTHER THAN THAT, HE'S OVER

HERE EATIN', SLEEPIN' AND

POOPIN'.

AND THE REST OF THE HERD IS FINE

WITH THAT, YOU UNDERSTAND?

THEY'RE NOT MAKIN' HIM GO INTO

THE HOME DEPOT ON A SATURDAY

TO GET A HINGE FOR A CABINET

THAT'S BEEN BROKEN FOR A YEAR

AND A HALF 'CAUSE YOUR

BROTHER-IN-LAW'S AN ASS(BLEEP)!

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