Uncensored - JB Smoove - Belt Full of Bulls**t

01/21/12 Views: 13,875

JB Smoove explains why police officers get mad when they have to chase your ass. (2:28)

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THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCKABOUT YOUR ASS.

COPS DO NOT LIKECHASING YOUR ASS.

THEY GET MADWHEN THEY GOT TO CHASE YOUR ASS.

RIGHT?THEY DON'T MIND THE CAR.

THEY DON'T MIND RIDINGA SLOW-SPEED CAR CHASE

OR A HIGH-SPEED CAR CHASE.

THE CAR MIGHT RUNOUT OF GAS,

OR THE SPIKE STRIP'S GONNA BUSTTHE TIRES OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?

BUT WHEN YOU HOP OUTTHAT DAMN CAR...

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--

A COP GET MADDERTHAN A MOTHERFUCKER.

THEY BE LIKE THIS."GODDAMN."

[hisses]

"HE DONE HOPPED OUTTHE GODDAMN CAR."

COPS GET PISSED OFF.

YOU KNOW WHY?'CAUSE COPS GOT A TON

OF BULLSHIT ON THEIR BELT.

THIS SHIT HEAVY.

THIS SHIT HEAVY AS HELL.

IT'S A WHOLE LOT OF SHITON THAT DAMN BELT.

THAT'S LIKE YOUR ASSWORK IN THE OFFICE, RIGHT?

YOU AN ACCOUNTANTOR YOU WORK IN AN OFFICE,

AND YOUR ASS WALKING AROUNDTHE DAMN OFFICE

WITH A GODDAMN PRINTERON YOUR FUCKING BELT.

GODDAMN PAPERAND STAPLERS AND SHIT.

THE GO--GODDAMN MONITOR, HUGE SHIT.

GODDAMN SCANNER.ALL YOUR SHIT IS ON YOUR BELT.

YOU WALK AROUND ALL DAYWITH THAT,

ALL DAY WITH THAT SHITON YOUR BELT.

YOUR PANTS ALL LOW,YOUR PANTS ALL LOW.

'CAUSE ALL THAT SHITHEAVY AS HELL.

YOU'RE LIKE,"OH SHIT,

I'M WEARING LOW-RIDERSRIGHT NOW."

[laughs]

GOT ALL THAT SHIT.

YOU AT STARBUCKS OR SOMEWHERE,YOU IN A COFFEE SHOP,

TRYING TO GETSOME GODDAMN LUNCH,

ALL THAT SHIT ON YOUR BELT.

JUST IN CASESOME BUSINESS HAPPENS,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'M GLAD I GOTTHIS GODDAMN SCANNER WITH ME.

[mimics scanning]

THANK GOD I BROUGHTTHIS DAMN PRINTER.

YOU LOOK AT A COP, RIGHT?

YOU EVER LOOKAT A COP REAL GOOD?

LOOK AT A COP FROM HEAD TO TOE.LOOK AT THIS, GODDAMN.

LOOK AT ALL THAT STUPID SHIT.

THEY GOT TONS OF DUMB SHITON THAT BELT.

TONS OF DUMBASS SHIT.RIGHT?

THEY GOT--THE GODDAMN GUN,THEY GOT A GODDAMN TASER,

FUCKING MACE,GODDAMN TICKET BOOK,

FUCKING WHISTLES,GODDA--

GODDAMN WALKIE-TALKIEON THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

FUCKING LIE DETECTOR,DNA TESTER.

BREATHALYZER,GOT A FUCKING BREATHALYZER.

GODDAMN COFFEE MAKERON THAT MOTHERFUCKER.

THAT'S A WHOLE LOTOF BULLSHIT.

WHEN YOU HOP OUT THATGODDAMN CAR AND START RUNNING,

THE FIRST THING A COPIS THINKING IS, "GODDAMN.

"HE GONNA MAKE MECHASE HIS ASS

WITH ALL THIS BULLSHITON THIS BELT!"

[screams]"GOD!"

[thumping]

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