D.C. Benny - Brooklyn

Benny, Ifft, Lukas Season 4, Ep 0402 01/15/2001 Views: 4,601

Whereas L.A. has old men doing tai chi in the park, Brooklyn has heroin addicts. (2:04)

YEAH.

I CAME HERE FROM BROOKLYN.

BROOKLYN'S A LOT DIFFERENT THAN

LOS ANGELES, YOU KNOW,

LITTLE THINGS.

LIKE YESTERDAY MORNING I WAS

IN THE PARK.

I SAW THIS OLD MAN DOING

TAI CHI.

I WAS LIKE, "THAT IS BEAUTIFUL."

THEN I LOOKED CLOSER AND IT

WASN'T AN OLD MAN DOING TAI CHI.

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE HEROIN GUYS

THAT NEVER FALLS OVER.

(LAUGHTER)

WE HAVE, UH, WE HAVE OUR CABS

HERE, TOO, NOW.

IN MANHATTAN WHEN YOU TRY TO

CATCH A CAB TO BROOKLYN,

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU KNOW?

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I'LL GET

ONE.

IT'LL ALWAYS BE THE ANGRY GUY

FROM THE MIDDLE EAST WHO IS

PUNISHING ME BECAUSE I WANT

TO GO TO BROOKLYN, BY DRIVING

EXTRA RECKLESSLY.

YOU KNOW, "THIS IS FOR BROOKLYN.

THIS IS FOR THE GULF WAR."

"UH, IS-- IS THIS THE QUICKEST

ROUTE?"

"ALLAH IS MY COMPASS."

(LAUGHTER)

I DON'T LIKE DOING SHOWS IN

BROOKLYN.

I ALWAYS GET HECKLED, YOU KNOW,

LITTLE KIDS, 2 YEARS OLD

IN THE BABY CARRIAGES WITH

THE RIMS AND THE TINTED WINDOWS.

YEAH.

SHAKE OUT THEIR FORMULA BOTTLES.

"YO.

THIS IS FOR THE BROTHERS THAT

AIN'T HERE NO MORE."

(LAUGHTER)

THE ONE THING I LIKE ABOUT

NEW YORK IS THAT IT'S ETHNICALLY

DIVERSE.

SO I FIT RIGHT IN.

LIKE, PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT

I AM, YOU KNOW?

WHITE GUYS THINK I'M

PUERTO RICAN.

PUERTO RICANS ALWAYS THINK

I'M A COP.

(LAUGHTER)

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE

I LIVE, THERE'S A FORTUNETELLER.

YOU KNOW, I'D NEVER BEEN THERE,

SO I DECIDED I WAS GONNA GO.

IT WAS SUCH A SCAM.

YOU KNOW, THE LADY HAD A

CRYSTAL BALL.

SHE WAS PREDICTING THE MOST

UNAMAZING STUFF, YOU KNOW.

"I SEE IN YOUR FUTURE A TALL,

DARK MAN WITH BIG FOREHEAD."

I'M LIKE, "THAT'S MY REFLECTION,

YOU KNOW."

(LAUGHTER)

"SILENCE.

DO NOT MOCK THE POWER.

I SEE YOU ARE CAMBODIAN--

NO, CANADIAN-- NO.

CUSTODIAN.

YES.

YOU ARE CUSTODIAN."

I'M LIKE, "I'M A COMEDIAN.

YOU GOT SPELL-CHECK ON THAT

BALL?

(LAUGHTER)

DO YOU SEE 'REFUND'?"

IT'S