Bobby Slayton - Where's Moe?

Bobby Slayton & Taylor Negron Season 1, Ep 0129 02/24/1992 Views: 3,396

The "Moe" cut is very popular in China. (3:52)

I DRESSED LIKE YOU, YOU SEE?

I GREW UP WATCHING YOU.

THAT'S WHY I DRESS LIKE THIS.

GRANDPA RICHARD LEWIS.

AND DON'T BE IN SUCH A HURRYTO GET MARRIED.

I'M HAPPILY MARRIED.

MARRIAGE IS A FINE INSTITUTION.

IF I WASN'T MARRIEDI WOULD NEVER KNOW

WHEN I'M DRIVING TOO FAST

OR THE AIR CONDITIONERWAS ON TOO HIGH.

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO CAME UPWITH THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE

BUT I'LL TELL YOUSOMETHING RIGHT NOW:

IT WAS NOT A GUY'S IDEA.

BECAUSE MANY YEARS AGO

SOME SHMUCK MUST HAVE BEENSITTING THERE GOING

"LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

"THE WAY THIS WORKS IS

"I CAN'T SLEEP WITHANYBODY ELSE EVER AGAIN

AND IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT,YOU GET TO KEEP ALL MY STUFF."

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

THIS IS GREAT.

RICHARD DESIGNED THIS HIMSELF.

THIS IS WHAT LIBERACE WOULDHAVE DONE WITH HIS HOUSE

IF HE ONLY HADA COUPLE OF HUNDRED BUCKS.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE.

GET A LOAD OF THIS.

THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS...

YESTERDAY, I'M IN FLORIDA.

TODAY I SPEND THE DAYIN TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

I GO TO MIAMI YESTERDAYTO DO A BIG ANTIDRUG SHOW

THAT WAS SPONSOREDBY THIS ORGANIZATION

JEWISH WOMEN AGAINST DRUGS

THE MIAMI JEWISH CHAPTER,SOMETHING LIKE THAT

AND THEIR CAMPAIGN SLOGAN WAS,"JUST SAY NAH, NAH, NAH."

SO I WAITED TO FLY OUT OF MIAMI.

YOU KNOW BEFOREYOU GET ON A PLANE

HOW THEY ALWAYS MAKETHOSE ANNOUNCEMENTS?

ANY OLD PEOPLE,ANY HANDICAPPED PEOPLE--

THEY LET THEM ONTHE PLANE FIRST.

BUT IN FLORIDATHEY JUST SHOULD HAVE SAID

"EVERYBODY BUT YOU, BOBBY.

EVERYBODY BUT BOBBYGET ON THE PLANE NOW."

YOU WATCH THESE ELDERLY FOLKS.

THEY WALK LIKE THEY HAVEMAGNETS IN THEIR SHOES.

IT'S LIKE THEY BOUGHTTHESE SHOES AT K MART

AND THEY FORGOT TO CUT

THE PLASTIC THINGHOLDING THEM TOGETHER.

SO TODAY I GO TO TRAFFIC SCHOOL.

THOSE OF YOU THAT LIVE HERE,I'M SURE YOU'VE DONE THIS.

I SPENT EIGHT HOURSOF MY LIFE THIS MORNING

BEFORE DOING THIS SHOW

EIGHT HOURS OF MY LIFE

IN A CLASSROOM FULL OF PEOPLEFROM SOUTHEAST ASIA NAMED:

( tongue clicks )

( laughter )

A ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE

THAT THOUGHT IT WAS OKAYTO MAKE A U-TURN ON THE FREEWAY

BECAUSE THEY SAW AN ALUMINUM CANON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD.

I'M NOT TRYINGTO REINFORCE STEREOTYPES

SO DON'T START WRITING LETTERS.

ASIANS ARE FINE DRIVERS

ALTHOUGH A LOT OF CHINESE GUYSHAVE THE SAME HAIRCUT.

THEY'RE NOT THAT CREATIVEWITH HAIRSTYLES.

IN THIS COUNTRY,YOU GO TO A BARBERSHOP

THEY HAVE ALL THE DIFFERENTHAIRDOS ON THE WALL.

WHAT DO THEY GOT IN CHINA?

LIKE, 100 PICTURES OF MOE?

( Chinese accent )"WE HAVE ALL KIND OF HAIRCUT.

"WHAT KIND OF HAIRCUT YOU WANT?

HERE WE HAVE MOE, MOE, MOE..."

"YOU MAKE ANY HAIRCUT."

"YOU A TOUGH CUSTOMER.

"MOE, MOE...

"HERE WE GOT SPECIALHAIRCUT FOR YOU."

"MOE.

PETE ROSE, MOE."

( laughter )

NO, THERE'S ENOUGH RACIALTROUBLE IN THE COUNTRY.

I'M NOT TRYING TO ADD TO THAT.

THERE'S SO MANY MORONSOUT THERE DRIVING.

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHATTHE PROBLEM IS ABOUT AMERICA?

16 YOU GET TO DRIVE

18 YOU GET TO VOTEAND 21 YOU GET TO DRINK.

THAT'S WHAT SUCKSABOUT THIS COUNTRY.

YOU OUGHT TO CARRY AN I.Q. CARD,NOT AN I.D. CARD.

YOU'RE A MORON,YOU SHOULD HAVE LIMITED RIGHTS.

YOUR I.Q. IS UNDER 100

YOU KEEP THE SHAKEMACHINE CLEAN, GOOBER.

YOU'RE AN IDIOT,YOU'RE NOT VOTING.

IT'S LIKE THE 21-YEAR-OLDDRINKING AGE.

WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

I'M NOT SAYING TEENAGERSSHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DRINK

BUT THERE ARE ADULTSTHAT SHOULDN'T BE IN BARS.

YOU LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER.

YOU COULD HAVEA COUPLE OF COCKTAILS

GO HOME, WATCH M.T.V.AND BE JUST FINE.

IN A NIGHTCLUB, THEY SHOULD ASKFOR YOUR I.Q. CARD.

"YOUR I.Q.'S ONLY 30.

"WELL, IT ISA COUNTRY AND WESTERN BAR.

I GUESS YOU CAN COME ON IN."

SO MANY IDIOTS OUT THERETHAT NEED TO BE STOPPED.