Bobby Slayton - Crime and Punishment

Bobby Slayton & Margaret Cho Season 1, Ep 0149 02/24/1992 Views: 2,660

Kids today shouldn't do drugs -- they're not as good as they used to be. (2:11)

I'M NOT MAD, I'M JUST JEALOUS.

BECAUSE IF A GUY'S A JERK,WE'RE JUST A JERK.

THAT'S WHY THEY HADTO INVENT FLOWER STORES.

GENTLEMEN, YOU SEE ANOTHER GUYIN A FLORIST'S SHOP

AND IT'S NOT VALENTINE'S DAY,YOU CAN STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION

BY GOING, "HEY, PAL,WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?"

TWO MINUTES-- I GOTA MILLION THINGS ON MY MIND.

WE GOT TO GET TO THESE GUYS.

ALL THE YOUNG GUYS HEREWITH THE HAIR.

I USED TO BE LIKE THATWHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

YOU STILL DO DRUGS?

GOOD FOR YOU.

I WISH I COULD TALK ABOUT DRUGS

BUT MY PUBLICIST SAID,"DON'T TALK ABOUT DRUGS."

I'M VERY PROUD, I DID DRUGS.

NOT SAYING THE KIDSTODAY OUGHT TO DO THEM.

WE HAD GOOD DRUGS THOUGH.

SEE, AND HERE'SANOTHER GENERATION.

WHEN YOU WERE A KID, THEREWAS NO SUCH THING AS CRACK.

A CRACK SALESMAN JUST MEANTA GUY WAS A GOOD SALESMAN.

THEY'LL SWEETEN THAT ONE UP TOO,I'M NOT WORRIED.

I USED TO DO DRUGS ALL THE TIME.

WHAT SCARES YOU YOUNG GUYSAWAY FROM DRUGS NOW?

THE FRYING-PAN-AND-THE-EGGCOMMERCIAL?

YOU WANT TO SCARE A MANAWAY FROM DRUGS?

SHOW HIM A BIG PENIS AND SAY,"THIS IS YOUR ....

THIS IS YOUR .... ON COKE."

( laughter )

THAT'S MY BEST JOKE AND I KNOWTHEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT OUT.

YOU KNOW WHY A LOT OF YOU COMETO COMEDY CLUBS AS A COUPLE?

BECAUSE YOU REALLY DON'TKNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

BASICALLY YOU REALLY DON'TKNOW WHAT MOVIES TO GO SEE.

I'M A BATMAN, ALIEN, LETHAL WEAPON KIND OF GUY.

AND I'M NOT PROUD OF THE FACT

BUT A FEW BREASTS, A FEW UZIS--THAT TO ME IS A MOVIE.

MY WIFE BUSTED MY CHOPS

WHEN I BROUGHT HOME THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS.

ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LIVEUNDER THE STAIRS

AND THEY EAT OTHER PEOPLE.

THIS IS A MOVIE.

AND OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO SEE FRIED GREEN TOMATOES

PRINCE OF TIDES, THELMA AND LOUISE--

MOVIES ABOUT LOVEAND RELATIONSHIPS

AND FAMILIES AND KIDS.

I GO, "WE GOT A KID, WE'REIN LOVE, WE HAVE A FAMILY.

WE DON'T HAVE PEOPLE LIVING UNDER OUR STAIRSEATING OTHER PEOPLE."

MAYBE IF THEY ATE THELMA ANDLOUISE THEN IT WOULD BE FUN.

( laughter )

MEAN BUT TRUE.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT.