Brooks Wheelan - Rat Breath From the Sewer

Brooks Wheelan Season 4, Ep 5 09/19/2015 Views: 3,481

Brooks Wheelan explains why the iconic photo of Marilyn Monroe standing over a New York City subway grate is actually the opposite of sexy. (1:50)

I used to live in New YorkI left New York. It's rough.

New York is, like,proud of its garbage-ness.

Like, that's what it is.It's like, it's like,

"We're the worst,and we love it!" Like...

Like, their motto's like,"Welcome to New York City.

The city that never sleeps."

And I was like,"That sounds like a nightmare.

"I sleep all the time.

"It really helps my mood, too.

"You should try it, maybe.

"You'd maybe beless stabby then, you know?

If you sleep,you won't cut everybody."


And they love that photoin New York.

Like, that really lovethat photo of Marilyn Monroe.

It's, like, in a lot of bars,

where she's, like,walking over that subway grate,

and, like, air comes up,

and it blows her skirtinto the sky,

and she's like, "Ooh!"

And everyone's like,


"What a babe!

"Let me roll my tongue back upreal quick.

Oops, my eyes are out again."


But what no one talks about

is how that air is rat breathfrom the sewer.

That's the dirtiest airin the world.

Think of dirtier air.

You cannot.

Just think of it.

If you were walkingdown the street later tonight,

and you walkedover a subway grate

and enough air camefrom that hellfire

to blow your clothes asunder,

you're not gonna posefor a photo.

You're not gonna be like, "Thisone's for the boys." Like...

It's not what's gonna happen.

You're gonna walk over,and the air will come up,

and you'll go, "Oh, no!


"On a Wednesday night!On a Wednesday night!

"I'm going home, Mitch!

"I can't do this anymore.

"You calm down!

That's how Ninja Turtles start."