Stephen Lynch - Vanilla Ice Cream

  • Season 12 , Ep 1
  • 01/10/2008
  • Views: 36,671

Girls: if you're a cracker, you better get blacker. (3:51)

UM, THIS IS SORT OFA HOT BUTTON TOPIC,

ESPECIALLY HERE IN AMERICA,AND THAT'S THE SUBJECT OF

RACE AND RACISM.AND I'VE BEEN SEEINGTHIS GIRL LATELY,

AND LET'S JUST SAY WE HAVESOME DIFFERENCES BETWEEN US

WHEN IT COMES TOTHE SUBJECT OF RACE.

AND SO I FELT LIKEI NEEDED TO SIT HER DOWN ANDEXPLAIN MY VIEWS TO HER

- THROUGH SONG.- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

♪ HAVE A SEAT AND LISTENPLEASE DON'T SAY A THING ♪

♪ IN MATTERS OFTHE HEARTS SOMETIMES ♪

♪ THE TRUTH WILL HAVE A STING

♪ JUST DON'T TAKE ITPER-SON-AL-LYTHIS IS NO ATTACK ♪

♪ BUT WE WILL NEVER LASTBECAUSE I'M WHITE ♪

♪ AND YOU ARE ALSO WHITE

♪ I ONLY LIKE BLACK GIRLSTHE BROWN GIRLS ♪

♪ THE CAFE OLE

♪ OR CARAMEL GIRLSAND MOCHA GIRLSJUST BLOW ME AWAY ♪

♪ IF YOU ARE NEW BEAND I WANT YOU TO BEIN EVERY FANTASY ♪

♪ BUT IF YOU'RE A WHITIESAY NIGHTY-NIGHTYIT'S NOT THE GIRL FOR ME ♪

♪ OOH, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA

♪ OH, I HATE VANILLA ICE CREAMI LIKE CHOCOLATE INSTEAD ♪

♪ I HOPE SHE LIKES HER SOUL FOODWITH A LITTLE WONDER BREAD ♪

♪ DON'T CALL IT JUNGLE FEVERCAUSE THAT JUST ISN'T RIGHT ♪

♪ I AM NOT A RACIST SOME OFMY BEST FRIENDS ARE WHITE ♪

♪ I JUST PREFER BLACK GIRLSAND BROWN GIRLS ♪

♪ AND CAFE OLEOR CARAMEL GIRLS ♪

♪ AND MOCHA GIRLSJUST BLOW ME AWAY ♪

♪ IF YOU'RE A CRACKERYOU BETTER GET BLACKEROR ELSE YOU BEST GET OUT ♪

♪ IT IS NO MYSTERYI LIKE A SISTER ♪

♪ SEE THAT'S WHATI'M TALKING ABOUT ♪

♪ OH OUR WEDDING SONG WILL BEEBONY AND IVORY ♪

♪ AND WE'LL SINGCHRISTMAS CAROLS 'ROUNDTHE OLD KWANZA TREE ♪

♪ BUT COLOR IS NOTTHE ISSUE HERE ♪

♪ IT'S DIGNITYIT'S CLASS ♪

♪ IT'S ALL ABOUT HER HEART

♪ OKAY IT'S PARTLYABOUT THAT ASS ♪

♪ I WANT ME SOME BLACK GIRLSAND BROWN GIRLS ♪

♪ AND CAFE OLE, WOO--

♪ CARAMEL GIRLS AND MOCHA GIRLSJUST BLOW ME AWAY ♪

♪ GET OFF YOUR KNEES--HONKY PLEASE--THAT IS SO UNCOUTH ♪

♪ THE SKIN THAT SHE'S DWELLIN'IT MUST CONTAIN MELON ♪

♪ AND THAT ISTHE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH ♪

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ SEE MELANIN IS AN AGENT THATMAKES YOUR SKIN GET DARKER ♪

♪ THANKS FOR MAKING ME EXPLAINTHAT TO YOU ASS-[BLEEP] ♪

♪ THOMAS JEFFERSON

- NOBODY?- [LAUGHTER]

YOU SEE KIDS THOMAS JEFFERSONWAS THE PRESIDENT

OF THESEUNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

AND HE LIKED TO--HOW DO I PUT IT DELICATELY--

- [BLEEP] SLAVES.- [LAUGHTER]

OOH!

I'M NOT SAYING IT'S RIGHT.I DON'T CONDONE IT.

I'M JUST SAYINGTHAT'S WHAT HE DID,

AND THAT'S WHY HE FITSTHE SUBJECT OF THIS SONG.

WHO ELSE?

- Woman: MICHAEL JACKSON.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DID YOU SAY MICHAEL JACKSON?WHAT ARE YOU, DYSLEXIC?

THAT WOULD BE AWHOLE OTHER SONG, MY FRIEND.

♪ I ONLY [BLEEP] WHITE BOYSAND THE LITTLE BOYS AND-- ♪

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ALLEGEDLY

YEAH.

♪ STROM THURMOND

♪ STROM THURMOND

♪ AND NOT MICHAEL JACKSON

♪ ALLEGEDLY

- THANK YOU.- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

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