JB Smoove - Cop Chase

  • Season 2 , Ep 3
  • 01/26/2012
  • Views: 6,745

JB Smoove breaks down all the heavy sh*t that cops carry on their belts. (1:53)

THAT'S MY D.J.-- D.J. CASSIDY!

HE IS DOIN' IT PROFESSIONAL,'CAUSE YOU PROFESSIONAL!

- THANK YOU, SIR.

- YOU GOT TO BE PROFESSIONAL--BE PROFESSIONAL.

THESE COPS OUTHERE, MAN--

WE GOT IN TROUBLEYESTERDAY, MAN.

I LEARNED ONE THING, MAN.

COPS DO NOT LIKETO CHASE YOUR ASS.

THEY DON'T MIND A CAR--WHEN A CAR'S MOVIN' AROUND,

THEY DON'T MIND IN A CAR,BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

THE CAR RUN OUT OF GAS,OR THOSE SPIKE STRIPS,

OR BUSTED TIRES,OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT,

BUT WHEN THEY GOTTAGET OUT OF THAT DAMN CAR,

THAT'S WHEN A COPGET MAD AT YOUR ASS.

THEY DO NOT LIKE CHASIN'YOUR ASS-- YOU KNOW WHY?

'CAUSE THEY GOT ALL THATBULLSHIT ON THEIR BELT.

THEY GOT TONS OF SHITTHEY WILL NEVER USE.

THEY GOT GUNS AND BULLETSAND TASERS AND MACE,

WALKIE-TALKIES,LIE DETECTOR TESTS, DNA TESTS,

A DAMN COFFEE MAKERON THAT MOTHER[bleep].

THAT SHIT IS HEAVY--YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEY GOTTA CHASE YOU.

"OH, HE GONNA MAKE MECHASE HIS ASS!"

ALL THAT STUFFJIGGLIN' AROUND.

[audience cheering]

"I'M GONNABEAT YOUR ASS!"

HE SPILL HIS COFFEE--"AH, I KILL YOU, MOTHER[bleep]!"

THEN THEY TACKLE YOU.

THEY TACKLE YOU--THEY TACKLE YOUR ASS.

THEY PISSED OFF NOW.

THEY PUT THAT DAMN KNEEIN YOUR BACK LIKE THAT.

PUT THEIR DAMN KNEEIN YOUR BACK RIGHT THERE.

YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE,"YOU GOT ME, OFFICER."

"YEAH, I DO,MOTHER[bleep]."

BOOM, BOOM!

BUST YOU ON THE SIDEOF YOUR GODDAMN HEAD.

HIT YOUR ASS--I SEEN A COP HAUL BACK SO FAR,

HE HIT HIMSELF IN THE BACKFIRST BEFORE HE HIT HIS ASS.

[audience laughing]

[indistinct]HIS OWN BACK-UP.

"OUCH!

"OUCH!

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

[audience cheering]

OH, MY GOD!

Loading...