Steve Byrne - Sleeping

  • Season 10 , Ep 5
  • 03/02/2006
  • Views: 20,717

Steve doesn't like renting movies or sleeping with a girl. (3:42)

I LIKE THAT, VERY NICE.YEAH, GOOD ENERGY.

- GOOD EN-- NO.- [LAUGHTER]

JUST JOKING.I LOVE COUPLES.

AH, GENTLEMEN,A LITTLE PIECE OF ADVICEFROM A GENTLEMEN HERE

TO SOME OTHER GENTLEMEN HERE WITH SOME GORGEOUS LADIES,

GORGEOUS. KEEP YOUR EYES ON 'EM. OKAY?

'CAUSE THEY'VE BEEN LOOKING AT ME THE WHOLE TIME

I'VE BEEN ON STAGE.GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY.

GIRLS, STOP THROWING DADDY HEAT.I GOT IT. YOU'RE INTO IT.

BACK IT UP. GIRLS, DON'T KNOW THAT YOU CAN HANDLE THIS.

DON'T KNOW THAT WE HAVE THE SAME INTERESTS.

I LIKE MONEY.DON'T KNOW IF YOU CANHANDLE MY MONEY, GIRLS.

DOUBT IT. DON'T KNOW IF YOU COULD HANDLE THAT.

BACK UP.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

VELCRO, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS, YEAH.

GIRLS, WHEN I POP THAT OPEN IN A BAR

THEY KNOW IT'S A HIGH-ROLLER THEY'RE DEALING WITH, OKAY?

- [VELCRO WALLET OPENING] - WHO'S THAT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HEY LOOK, I LIKE BEINGPART OF A COUPLE, OKAY.

THERE'S ONLY TWO TIMES I DON'T LIKE BEING PART OF A COUPLE.

NUMBER ONE, VIDEO STORE. I HATE GOING

TO THE VIDEO STORE WITH A GIRL.I'D RATHER SPEND THE NIGHT

AT NEVERLAND RANCH. THAT'S HOW PAINFUL OF AN ORDEAL IT IS, OKAY?

JUST A TO Z ALONG THE NEW RELEASE WALL--

"OH, YOU WANT TO SEE THAT? NO? OH-- NO? WANT TO SEE IT?

"NO. WHY ARE WE HERE?

SERIOUSLY, WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE? I HATE YOU."

SECOND TIME I DON'T LIKE TO BE WITH THE LADIES, SLEEPING.

I LOVE SLEEP. OKAY? I LOVE SLEEP SO MUCH

SLEEP IS THE FIRST THING I THINK ABOUT WHEN I WAKE UP.

YOU EVER DO THAT? JUST UGH, I CAN'T WAIT TO DO THAT AGAIN.

UGH. I'LL DO IT NOW. ZZZZZZZZZ.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

YES!

BUT THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE SLEEPING NEXT TO THE LADIES, OKAY,

'CAUSE WOMENARE ALWAYS COLD, ALWAYS.

WHEN A WOMAN LIES DOWN, THE BODY TEMPERATURE PLUMMETS

ANOTHER 15 TO 20 DEGREES. IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

IT ALWAYS HITS THEMLIKE IT'S SOMETHING NEW.

LIKE IT'S SOMETHING SHOCKING.

NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN THEIR LIFE.

JUST LAY DOWN, JUST-- OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.

I'M STILL COLD.I AM SO COLD.

THEN THEY HAVE TO DRAG YOU INTO IT.

HEY, ARE YOU COLD LIKE ME?

NO, THAT'S WHY I'M UNDER A BLANKET LIKE YOU.

OH, WELL, IS IT OKAY IF I JUST BURROW THE BACKSIDE OF MY BODY INTO YOURS

SO YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE AT ALL,

CAN'T SLEEP AT ALL TONIGHT? IS THAT OKAY, IF I DO THAT?

- IS THAT OKAY? - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

COME HERE. COME HERE. LET'S KEEP EACH OTHER WARM.

LET'S KEEP EACH OTHER WARM. I'M SO COLD. I'M SO COLD.

I'M SO COLD. YES, SO ARE YOUR FEET. GET 'EM OFF ME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S WHY I SLEEP LIKE THE HEISMAN TROPHY, LIKE THIS.

BEAT IT. GET AWAY, NOT NOW. HEARD IT ALL BEFORE. GET LOST.

'CAUSE LADIES, I LOVE YOU, BUT I HATE YOUR FEET. OKAY?

WOMEN'S FEET, FOR THE MOST PART,PRETTY JACKED, OKAY. ROUGH SKIN.

BUNIONS, CORNS, JAGGED NAILS. WHY? YOU WEAR CRAMPED HEELS.

WE DON'T WEAR IT. WE FIGURED IT OUT. CATCH UP.

WOMEN LOVE BOOTS WITH HEELS.

THAT LOOKS GREAT THE FIRST HOUR OR TWO OF THE NIGHT.

THEN THE REST OF THE NIGHT, THAT'S ALL YOU HEAR ABOUT,

"OH MY GOD, MY FEET HURT SO BAD.

OH MY GOD, SERIOUSLY, PLEASE IT'S UNBELIEVABLE."

ANY BAR, CLUB, TWO, THREE IN THE MORNING, NEW YORK CITY,

IT'S LIKE A THRILLER VIDEO. JUST HORDES OF GIRLS.

JUST GET THE CARDS, GET A CAB. OH, MY GOD-- OH, JESUS. OH.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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