Matt Koff - Officially in a Relationship

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 11/14/2013
  • Views: 3,363

Matt Koff tests his theory that being in a relationship affects how funny comedians can be. (2:19)

AS OF TODAY, I AM OFFICIALLYIN A RELATIONSHIP.

[cheers and applause]YEP.

THANKS. AND I DON'T KNOWIF ANY OF YOU DO COMEDY,

BUT WE COMEDIANS HAVE THIS FEARTHAT IF WE FIND SOMEBODY

WHO MAKES US HAPPY,MAYBE WE'LL STOP BEING FUNNY.

SO I'M GONNA TESTTHAT THEORY OUT RIGHT NOW.

I WROTE SOME JOKESBACKSTAGE.

I WANT TO SEE IF THEY WORK.

SO BEAR WITH ME.[cheers]

THANKS.

EVER NOTICE HOW EACH DAYIS BETTER THAN THE LAST?

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS,

YOU DON'T WANT TO BEAROUND ME IN THE MORNING.

THAT IS, UNLESSYOU LIKE PANCAKES.

THIS HOMELESS GUYCAME UP TO ME ON THE TRAIN

AND ASKED ME FOR CHANGE.

I WAS LIKE, "NO WAY...

BUT HOW DOESA DOLLAR SOUND?"

I JUST FLEW IN FROM L.A.,AND BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED

FROM HUGGINGMY NEW GIRLFRIEND.

THIS GUY KNOWSWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[cheers and applause]

I WAS AT THE DMVTHE OTHER DAY,

AND THE LINE WAS SO LONG...

all: HOW LONG?- WHO GIVES A CRAP?

I HAD SEX THREE TIMESLAST NIGHT!

UP TOP!

[cheers and applause]

WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH!

WHOO!I'LL GET YOU LATER.

THANKS, GUYS.SO THAT WAS A BIT.

I ACTUALLYDON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

BUT NOWFOR MY REGULAR SET.

EVER NOTICE HOWYOU COULD JUST VANISH,

AND NOBODY WOULD CARE?[laughter]

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS,

YOU DON'T WANT TO BEAROUND ME IN THE MORNING.

I MASTURBATE CONSTANTLY.

THIS HOMELESS GUYCAME UP TO ME ON THE TRAIN

AND ASKED ME FOR CHANGE.

I WAS LIKE, "NO WAY.

"ALL RIGHT, FINE.BUT WILL YOU HANG OUT WITH ME?

ALL MY FRIENDSARE MARRIED."

I JUST FLEW IN FROM L.A.,

AND BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIREDFROM MASTURBATING CONSTANTLY.

THIS GUY KNOWSWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[laughter]

I WAS AT THE DMVTHE OTHER DAY,

AND THE LINE WAS SO LONG--

all: HOW LO--- I'M LONELY.

[laughter]

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