Brian Posehn - Heavy Metal Dork

  • Season 6 , Ep 8
  • 06/09/2002
  • Views: 8,177

Brian goes shoe shopping with his mom's boyfriend. (1:50)

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG

HEAVY METAL FAN.

I'VE LOVED HEAVY METAL MY WHOLE

LIFE.

AND I REMEMBER ACTUALLY BEING

FIFTEEN AND BEING AROUND

ALL MY FRIENDS AND WRITING STUFF

ON MY FOLDER LIKE THIS GOING,

"DUDES, I'M GONNA LOVE METAL

FOREVER.

HEAVY METAL TILL I'M 60.

IRON MAIDEN, SLAYER, METALLICA

TILL I'M 60."

I'M 35 NOW.

I THINK I'M GONNA GIVE IT

ONE MORE YEAR.

AND THEN CALL IT A NIGHT.

STARTING TO GET SAD.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I CAN'T GO TO

CONCERTS ANYMORE 'CAUSE IT'S ALL

15 YEAR OLD KIDS AT THE CONCERTS

AND I'M THE CREEPY OLD GUY

OVER IN THE CORNER GIVING THEM

THE WILLIES.

THEY ALL THINK I'M GONNA TRY

TO LURE THEM INTO MY VAN.

(LAUGHTER)

SO I MENTIONED THAT I'M CLEARLY

I'M A BIT OF A DORK.

(APPLAUSE)

I GUESS I DIDN'T HAVE TO MENTION

THAT BUT...

(WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE)

HEY, I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE THE

BIGGEST THING I GET ALL NIGHT,

ADMITTING I'M A DORK!

BUT I GOT A LITTLE GRIEF IN

HIGH SCHOOL AND JUNIOR HIGH.

I GOT PICKED ON A BUNCH.

I HAD ONE FACTOR LEADING TO ME

REALLY GETTING PICKED ON WAS

THAT I HAD MOM'S BOYFRIENDS,

YOU KNOW, AND THIS ONE GUY--

I WANTED TO GET COOL SHOES.

IT WAS SEVENTH GRADE AND I

WANTED TO GET PUMAS AND NIKE'S

FOR AH P.E. LIKE ALL THE OTHER

KIDS, AND MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND

TAKES ME TO K-MART.

YOU KNOW, TO GET THE CHEAP ASS

SHOES THEY HAVE THERE AND HE'S

LIKE, "HEY THEY LOOK LIKE

ADIDAS."

AND I'M LIKE "THERE'S AN EXTRA

STRIPE YOU (BLEEP)!

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