Louis C.K. - Mary Swanson

Pulp Comics: Louis C.K. Season 1, Ep 0112 05/22/1999 Views: 5,972

Davie Swanson's father gave him talent. (3:26)

>> Louis: Are you ready for

the next act, Sheriff John?

>> Here we go.

You bet I am.

>> Louis: All right, here we go.

It's Mary Swanson.

Give her a nice hand.

Mary Swanson, everybody.

[applause]

Hello, Mary Swanson,

how are you?

>> I'm fine, thank you.

>> Louis: Okay, and who is this?

>> This is my son Davey.

>> Louis: Okay, and what's he

going to do?

>> He's talented.

[laughter]

>> Louis: Okay, and what is he

going to--what's he going to do?

>> He's very talented.

His father gave him talent.

>> Louis: That's great, but--

>> Well, I took him to see the

Dalai Lama this summer,

and the Lama only looked at my

son as though he was

filled with joy.

He's talented.

>> Louis: Okay, so I guess we'll

just find out what he does.

He's going to do some

performance.

Are you going to stay on the

stage?

>> Absolutely.

>> Louis: Okay, all right.

All right, how about a hand for

Davey, everybody.

Give him a hand.

[applause]

>> Move it.

Move it.

Do something.

>> Do what?

>> Move, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go.

[laughter]

>> Louis: Excuse me,

does he hav--

>> Move it!

>> I don't know what to do.

>> Oh, you don't know

what to do?

Well, do it.

I gave birth to you.

I did something.

You do something.

Move.

[laughter and applause]

>> We didn't rehearse anything.

>> Will you please start now?

Come on.

Come on.

>> Louis: Excuse me.

Do you have, Davey, do you

have a talent of any kind?

Do you sing or dance?

>> No, she just brought me up

here and said to do something

talented.

>> Hey, Dudley Moore,

I don't get in your space.

Now, move.

>> Louis: What is that?

Look, he doesn't have anything

to do.

You shouldn't just

bring a kid up.

You got to prepare 'em.

>> Don't tell me what to do,

redhead.

I don't get in your space.

>> Louis: You have to a prepare

a kid before you bring 'em on.

>> I love you so much.

>> Louis: You can't just bring a

kid--

>> Get out of here.

>> Louis: I want you to take the

kid and go home.

I'd really like you to go.

>> We didn't go through

anything.

>> Louis: Yeah, see, look,

you're a terrible mother,

and I think you're making people

uncomfortable.

It's really awful.

>> Do something for mommy.

>> Louis: No, don't

do that to him.

Don't do that to him.

>> Do something for mommy.

Shut up, wacko.

Come on.

Do something.

Please, please, please.

>> Okay.

I'll do something.

[upbeat piano music]

>> ♪ There's something

♪ bursting, mama.

♪ There's something

♪ blooming, mama.

♪ There's something

♪ bountiful to share.

♪ Isn't that super duper?

♪ Isn't that something sassy?

[laughter]

♪ Ain't it great?

>> Hey, hey,

you don't have to be such a

show-off, all right?

Don't be such a conceited little

kid.

It's not like I don't have any

talent.

That's how you got your, oh--

♪ When I was a lass poor...

[laughter]

♪ down the shores of

♪ halley lay low.

♪ Well, the soul of God

♪ told me, told me,

♪ go, go, go,

♪ down the shores--

Get out of here, all right?

♪ Down the shores of--

>> Louis: Get the [beep] out.

Seriously, just get the [beep]

out of here.

Sorry about your life, kid.

Just get the [beep] off the

stage.

Brutal.