Gregg Rogell - Taking the E Train

  • Season 7 , Ep 24
  • 07/31/2003
  • Views: 13,504

In New York, you can score a pack of batteries and a yo-yo in one subway trip. (2:29)

NEW YORK CITY'S THE ONLY CITY

IN THE WORLD YOU CAN GET ON A

SUBWAY CAR, WALK OFF WITH A

PACK OF BATTERIES AND A YO-YO.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

EVERY DAY'S CHRISTMAS ON THE

E-TRAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

HAVE YOU SEEN THE BATTERY SALE

IN THE SUBWAY?

IT'S AWESOME, 75 BATTERIES

FOR A BUCK.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DO IT.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT COUNTRY'S SMUGGLING IN THIS

BIG BATTERY SURPLUS AND

UNLOADING IT ON THE E-TRAIN?

YOU THINK THERE'S SOME

SRI LANKAN SLAVE DRIVER

SOMEWHERE STUFFING PEOPLE

INTO THE CARGO HOLD OF A SHIP.

"GET IN THERE.

HERE, AND TAKE THESE AAA's

WITH YOU."

[LAUGHTER]

DO YOU SUPPORT YOUR PRESIDENT,

GEORGE W?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GEORGE W. SAYS HE READS

THE BIBLE EVERY DAY.

HE'S 56 YEARS OLD.

FINISH THE BOOK.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I POLISHED OFF THREE TOM CLANCY

NOVELS SINCE HE'S BEEN ELECTED.

WRAP IT UP, BIBLE BOY.

I'D TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENS

TO JESUS, BUT I DON'T WANNA

RUIN IT FOR HIM.

[LAUGHTER]

SOME PEOPLE READ THE BIBLE

TOO MUCH.

TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING ISN'T

GOOD FOR YOU.

THAT'S WHY HAVE FANATICS

WHO MISINTERPRET THE BIBLE.

IT'S FROM READING IT 150,000

TIMES.

YOU READ "GREEN EGGS & HAM"

150,000 TIMES YOU'LL COME UP

WITH ALL SORTS OF TWISTED IDEAS.

"I WILL NOT EAT IT IN THE HOUSE.

I WILL NOT EAT IT WITH A MOUSE.

JEWS ARE THE DEVIL."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS A GREAT COUNTRY,

AMERICA.

YOU REALIZE IN THIS COUNTRY

IT ONLY COSTS 70 CENTS A DAY

TO SPONSOR A STARVING PERSON,

AND IT COSTS $2.99 A MINUTE

TO TALK DIRTY TO SOMEBODY.

YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

ONE HOUR OF PHONE SEX

WILL FEED 259 STARVING PEOPLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IF WE COULD SOMEHOW GET THESE

STARVING PEOPLE TO JUST TALK

DIRTY TO US--

[LAUGHTER]

THE ANSWERS ARE OUT THERE.

YOU JUST GOTTA LOOK FOR 'EM.

"I'M FAMISHED, CALL ME."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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