Paul F. Tompkins - Cream of Bitterness

Season 1 , Ep 101 04/21/12 Views: 6,307

Paul F. Tompkins observes that most people go into retail with the genuine belief that interacting with other human beings all day will be a pleasant experience. (2:02)

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BY 1994 I'D BEENMAKING A LIVING

DOING STAND-UP COMEDYFOR ABOUT A YEAR.

BUT THENCLUBS STARTED CLOSING DOWN,

ALL THE WORK DRIED UP,

I HAD NO JOBS,I HAD NO PROSPECT FOR JOBS,

AND SOI FIGURE TO MYSELF,

"WELL, IF I'M GONNA STARTSTRUGGLING ALL OVER AGAIN,

I MIGHT AS WELL GO DO THATSOMEPLACE WHERE IT'S WARM."

SO I MOVETO LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA,

WHERE I DID NOTKNOW A SOUL,

AND WHERE I VERY QUICKLYBURNED THROUGH MY STAKE OF $200.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO BROKEYOU CAN'T BELIEVE IT?

YOU KNOW THAT FEELING?

[laughter and applause]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

REALLY?

YOU FIND YOURSELF SAYING,"HOLD ON, HOLD ON A SECOND.

"I HAVE ZERO MONEY?

I DON'T THINKTHAT'S EVEN LEGAL."

SO I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO,

BUT I REALLYDIDN'T WANT TO DO IT,

WHICH WASGET A DAY JOB AGAIN.

NOW, THIS WASGOING TO BE TOUGH,

BECAUSE I HAD HAD A TASTEOF DOING WHAT I WANTED TO DO

FOR A LIVING,AND THAT WAS NOW GONE.

LAYER ON TO THATTHIS THICK CREAM OF BITTERNESS.

I HAD USED UP ALLOF MY RETAIL GOODWILL LONG AGO.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKSIN A RETAIL CAREER.

YOU START OFFAT A RETAIL JOB SAYING,

"YOU KNOW WHAT?THIS JOB IS GONNA BE EASY.

"I MEAN,WHAT DO YOU DO, REALLY?

"YOU JUST HANG OUTBEHIND A REGISTER.

"YOU'RE, LIKE,SELLING STUFF TO PEOPLE,

"AND YOU'RE REALLYKIND OF JUST CHATTING ALL DAY.

"I MEAN,WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

"I'M REALLY JUST GETTING PAIDTO HANG OUT FOR EIGHT HOURS.

AND I LIKE PEOPLE."

AND YOU THINKTHAT YOU DO.

RIGHT?

[laughter and applause]

YEAH, PEOPLE ARE GREAT!

PEOPLE COMEINTO THE STORE,

AND YOU'RE SO CHIPPERAND FULL OF LIFE.

"HI, CAN I HELP YOU, OR DO YOUJUST WANT TO HANG OUT?"

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