Exclusive - Aaron Berg - Hot Chocolate - Uncensored

Romance 11/18/2016 Views: 1,197

While Aaron Berg was working as a stripper, a man offered him money to engage in an intimate act -- and it was an eye-opening experience. (13:15)

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- So I turn, and I'm beating offin my own corner thinking,

"This isn't that bad of a gig.

I mean, it beats going on theroad doing comedy."

So then it hits me, "Fuck, maybeI shouldn't be turned away

from the guy with the 14-inchpenis."

[grunts]

[dark electronic music]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[cheers and applause]

- Really good friend of minefrom New York.

I'm really excited to get him onour show.

He's absolutely hilarious. Youguys will absolutely love him.

Give him a warm round ofapplause

for Mr. Aaron Berg, everybody.Let him hear it.

[cheers and applause]

- It's weird for me to be backin a strip club.

That's how I started in showbiz.

I was a male stripper for awhile,

and I just did it for a summerand then four years after that.

But it's a fucked up job.

And it's different when we gothan, like, if women go.

Like, we go, there's rules.

Like, a bouncer comes over. He'slike, "Sit down.

"Drink your drink.Don't touch the girls.

Don't look Macaulay Culkin inthe eye."

And women go, "It's Vegas withpenises."

Women in here are verywell-behaved right now.

You get them in a room with fournaked men they've never seen

before and a firefighter hat andsome Bon Jovi music,

and it's like, "Ahh, it's notcheating

if I just rub it on my face."

It was a weird time, made mequestion my sexuality,

made me question everything, soI'm training at the gym one day.

I'm jacked under here.

You can't tell.Fucking shredded.

I--and I'm training, and thismetrosexual guy walks up,

and he's like, "Hi,how are you doing?

"I noticed you really made someprogress with your physique

over the past little while."

And I'm thinking, "How long'sthis guy been watching me for?"

And at first, I'm like, "Fuckingweird stalker," but then I'm

like, "Fucking cool.

Someone noticed."

He's like, "I was wonderingmaybe one night if you are free

"maybe you'd like to come overto my place,

"and we could work somethingout.

"You know, you pose a bit,you know,

"maybe for an hour or so, andthen when you're done posing,

maybe we could just..."

[giggles]

"Watch each other finish."

And I'm like, "Finish what?

"Your hardwood floors?

What the fuck are you getting athere?"

He's like, "I was wondering ifyou'd like to come over and pose

"and then masturbate.

Oh, you--you never masturbate infront of a man before?"

And I'm like, "No, I blew a dudewhen I was 12,

"but I never talk about it,

and I never thought I'd see himagain."

[laughter]

So I'm like, "No," and he'slike, "Look, I know you're

"uncomfortable, but I'll giveyou $150, and if it makes you

"more comfortable, you can bringsomeone with.

I give the same amount of moneyto them."

And I'm like, "Morecomfortable,"

like this is what me and mybuddies do in our spare time.

Like, "Hey, old dude, if you'refree next Friday,

"you want to go jack off infront of some weird dude?

No, no, you've got it wrong.There's money involved."

Now, there was this guy I usedto strip with named

Hot Chocolate, probably not hisreal name, but huge

Jamaican dude, and against allracial stereotypes for a black

dude, couldn't dance at all.

He would just stare at you angryuntil you gave him money,

and he'd be like, "Well, go on,girl.

Give me some cash now."

And for the most part, Jamaicanpeople and most people

from the islands veryhomophobic.

They think it's wrong.They think it's blasphemy.

So I see Hot Chocolate outsidethe gym, and I'm like,

"Hey, Mr. Chocolate, how areyou?

"Look, I know you're not gay,and I'm not gay,

"and you're not gay,and I'm not gay,

"and we're not gay, but this guyapproached me,

"and he wants me to masturbatein front of him,

"and I know you're not gay, andI'm not gay,

"and we're not gay, but it's$150 each,

"and I want to know if you wantto come--

not 'come,' if you want to go tothe guy's house,"

and he's like, "What the fuck?

"Come over here, white boy.

"You'll just come--you'll standin front and tell me

"you want me beat me dick forsome fucking [bleep] for $150.

"That wrong.That blasphemy.

"God made them people wrong.You hear that?

"Me never gonna beat me dick forsome man for $150.

"Hear that? Never gonna beat medick for some man for $150.

In the future, white boy, $200."

And I'm like, "All right."

I pick him up the next night inmy Nissan Sentra,

put on some Bob Marley in thecar

to make him "feel comfortable,"

and we're driving,and it's all like...

♪ Buffalo soldier

And he's rolling up this bigfucking bat like...

♪ Dreadlock Rasta

He lights it.

♪ Just a buffalo soldier

And he's like, "What's thematter, little man?

You want to hit some of that?"

And I'm like, "I'll have someThank you, sir."

I reach up...

♪ Woy yoy yoy

♪ Woy yoy-yoy yoy

He said, "Oh, that's realsinsemilla from Jah, greener,

"not that chronic shit y'allwhite people smoke.

"This real emancipation weed,free your body,

"free your mind, like a soldier.

How that make you feel?"

And I'm like, "Kind of fuckingparanoid, actually.

"Maybe we should park the car,like, a block away from the

"address underneath the trees sono one sees my license plate,

and we could put bushes in frontof it."

And he's like, "Roll up in frontof the [bleep] house.

"We gonna beat our dicks and getpaid like professionals."

And I'm like, "All right, it'son."

Get to the house, we ring thedoorbell,

metrosexual guy answers.

He's like, "Gentlemen, how areyou?

"Oh, my God. Hot Chocolate,what's up? Tap-tap."

I'm like, "You guys know eachother?"

He's like, "Let's go upstairs.

"It's comfortable there.You'll like it."

And I'm like, "Yeah, that's whatI'm here for is to like your

"upstairs living room, notquestion my sexuality

based on a financialtransaction."

We get in this room.

He shuts the door.

He starts taking his clothesoff.

And he's all fat and sweaty andpale,

and he's got stretch marks allover his lower back.

Looks like he had a baby out ofhis ass.

Hot Chocolate is this rippedNubian god

with this freak show in betweenhis legs.

Like, this is huge.

It's 14 inches.

This is Costco cock.

Like, you needed a membershipcard to get near this thing.

And it wasn't just a cock thatwould hang there.

This was a black dick.It had rhythm.

Like, it would move to the beatof the music, so he'd be like...

♪ Shake that thing, MissAnnabella ♪

♪ Shake that thing

Jump up, and he would catch thedick in between his legs,

and it's not like white guy dickwhen we do it like,

"I've got a surprise."

Like there was a good 6 to 8inches of rod

still poking out the back,

and if you haven't seen a blackcock before--you probably have--

but for those of you thathaven't,

your shit's dark as night, but,like, the tip of it's

bright pink, so it's kind oflike a Neapolitan cock.

So these guys start gettingnaked, and I start getting

naked, and I'm like, "Look"--I'm very uncomfortable.

Like, I was raised a privilegedJew.

I should not be in thissituation over $150.

And I don't look Jewish.

I look like I eat Jews and mixthem with protein powder,

but, like, I'm like, "I don'twant to fuck your gig up,

"but I've never done thisbefore.

What do I do?"And he's like, "Look,

"just pose a little bit, andthen we all gonna masturbate,

"and then we all come together.

"When I come, I'm gonna takethese poppers.

You can if you want too."

Now, for those of you that don'tknow,

poppers are amyl nitrite,

drug used primarily in the gaycommunity.

They sniff it.

It slows everything down

and loosens them up for theorgasm.

So they'll be like, "This is thebest day ever.

This is so much fun.This..."

[sniffs]

"Oh...my...God.

I'm comi..."

[imitates explosions]

And then Elton John plays andangels weep or something.

But this guy said we're gonnacome all together.

And I'm thinking, "How do weorganize that?"

Like, is a midget in a tux gonnarun out,

like, "Come, come, come."

So these two guys get hard rightaway,

and I'm thinking, "Don't look,'cause that's gay,"

so I turn, and I'm beating offin my own corner thinking,

"This isn't that bad of a gig.

I mean, it beats going on theroad doing comedy."

So then it hits me, "Fuck, maybeI shouldn't be turned away

from the guy with the 14-inchpenis," you know,

just in case he wants to "takeit to the next level"

or something, like,

"Reparation, reparation,reparation.

Oh, black lives splatter,"and then...

[laughter]

So I turn back, and I can't getit up, 'cause I'm jacking off

in front of two dudes, and, youknow, it's awkward,

so it's kind of like, "Thisnever happens,"

and I'm just going at it, andI'm like, "Fuck.

Get hard. Get hard. Get hard."

And I'm like, "But this is sogay," and then I'm thinking,

"Maybe it's not gay, becausethere's money involved,

so it's, like, you know, like,performance art on the D train,

and I'm--and I'm like, "Okay, Ithink I can come,"

and gay guy's like, "When youcome, I want it on me,"

and I'm like, "That was not partof the deal."

And I start coming, and it'sweird, 'cause it feels good,

but then it's wrong, and hewants me to come on him,

but I'm here, he's there.

I'm locked into my comeposition.

I can't, like, waddle over thereto come on him,

and I don't want to go overthere, 'cause if I do,

then he can touch me.

Now, to me, that's gay, but forsome reason,

you know, money, "Ooh, it's justa Jewish transaction."

So I'm coming, and I don't knowwhat to do,

and I don't want to disappointthe guy.

I don't what Hot Chocolate tofucking sideswipe me with

his cock, so I'm coming in myhand, and it's a good-sized

load for me, and I don't knowwhat to do, so I line up,

and I throw my come at the guy,

and Hot Chocolate notices andlooks all surprised

but kind of impressed,

like I've made this newinnovation

in the field of circle jerks orsomething,

so he lines up and throws hiscome.

But when he throws his, he'sgot, like, way more.

Like, he throws it, it's likeCasper the Friendly Ghost

just flew over my shoulder, andthis is black come.

It's athletic.

It's, like, running at the guy'sface, and mine's all Jew-y.

It's like, "We're travelingthrough the desert slowly."

And both of our comes hit theguy's face,

and Hot Chocolate's is drippingdown.

Looks like someone kicked over asalad bar at Golden Corral.

And mine's just there all Jew-ylike,

"Invest in gold at low rates,"

and gay guy's all covered insweat and come and groans like,

"Ahh, ahh."

Boom.And drops his head.

And I'm fucking out of breathand exhausted.

And Hot Chocolate's like anotherday at the office, you know.

He's like, "Yo, after this, youwant to grab a Heineken?"

And I look over at gay dude,and his head's still down.

And he looks like he's notbreathing.

And I'm like, "Oh, HotChocolate.

Hot Chocolate."

Don't snap at a big black dude,by the way. It's bad.

I'm like, "What the fuck isgoing on with this guy?"

He's like, "Yo, I seen thatbefore.

"That drug, that's some fuckedup drug.

Sometime that drug, that madepeople die and shit."

Sorry, what?

What was your diagnosis there,Dr. Chocolate?

Die and shit?

I don't want to go to jail

for throwing come at a man.

If this guy's dead--if he'sfucking dead,

our DNA is dripping down hisface.

CSI will solve this in twominutes.

Just the purple light.

"Just a hunch, Sarge.

It might be the two guys runningacross the lawn

with dicks in their hands."

So Hot Chocolate's like, "Holdtight. I'ma go."

And he runs out in the hallway,and I'm, like,

he must be looking for adefibrillator or something.

I don't know what he's doing.Or a first aid kit.

And I start getting dressed, andgay dude's head's still down,

and time's elapsing, and I don'tknow what to do,

and I don't want to touch him,'cause Hot Chocolate's come's

all over him.Like, I would touch my come.

It smells like pennies andbleach.

But I don't know if his smellslike curry or what.

So I wrap this towel around myhand and kind of go over

and shove his chest.

Nothing.

And I lean in closer, and I'mlike,

"Please don't let this guy die.

This is such a horrible way."

And I shove him again, and Ishut my eyes,

and then I hear, like, a...[gasps and imitates splattering]

And I open my eyes,and the...

[gasps]Is the guy inhaling,

and I'm like, "Oh, my God.Everything's gonna be okay."

And the...[imitates splattering]

Is him coming all over my leg,and I'm like, "What the fuck?

What the fuck?"

And he's like, "Oh, so good,"and then Hot Chocolate comes in,

and he's like, "Yo, you good?We're good? We're good?

Yeah, good," all right,and then we leave.

They next night, I see HotChocolate at work.

There's not a lot you can say tosomeone

after an incident like that.

It's not really water coolertalk, is it?

Like, "Hey, good throw lastnight."

I put my wallet in my cowboycostume inside the locker.

I go outside, I grab someWendy's.

As I'm waiting in line, it hitsme, "Holy shit.

"There is no racism anymore.

"There is not anti-Semitism.

"There is no homophobia.

"A black man, a Jew, and a gayman all just beat off

and threw come at each other."

Guys, thank you so much.I appreciate it.

[dark electronic music]