Bobcat Goldthwait - LA Riots

Bobcat Goldthwait & Mark Roberts Season 1, Ep 0158 02/24/1992 Views: 4,273

The National Guard forgets its bullets. (2:20)

SUCH A PRETTY PLACE.

THERE'S A PROP GUY GOING,"IT'S A RENTAL!

GET HIM AWAY FROM THAT!"

( laughter )

Woman:YEAH!

VERY SEXY!

( laughter )

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN,LIKE, SHAFT'S HOUSE.

( laughter )

OH, LET'S SEE,WHAT ELSE CAN I BABBLE ABOUT?

DURING THE RIOTS,THE NATIONAL GUARD CAME

AND THEY DIDN'T GO TO WORK.

REMEMBER THAT?

FOR A DAY AND A HALFTHE NATIONAL GUARD WAS HERE

AND THEY DIDN'T GO TO WORK.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHY?

Man:NO BULLETS.

YEAH, NO BULLETS, THEY FORGOTTHEIR BULLETS, YOU KNOW.

I FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE

THAT WASTHE SAME CRACKERJACK UNIT

THAT DAN QUAYLEONCE BELONGED TO.

( laughter and applause )

YEAH.

( applause )

UM, AH...

SO WE GOT OUR PENIS BACK,WE WON A WAR, RIGHT?

WE DROPPED A TRILLION DOLLARSWORTH OF BOMBS

ON A COUNTRYABOUT THE SIZE OF RHODE ISLAND

AND WE WON!

I DON'T WANTTO TAKE ANYTHING AWAY

FROM ANYONEWHO SERVED OVER THERE

BUT YOU PROBABLYCOULD HAVE SENT ME OVER

IN A VOLKSWAGENWITH SOME CRACK...

( laughter )

AND DONE ABOUTTHE SAME AMOUNT OF DAMAGE.

WE SOLD THEM WEAPONS AND THENWE WENT TO WAR WITH THEM.

I'M GLAD WE DIDN'THAVE A GROUND WAR

BECAUSE OUR SOLDIERSWOULD HAVE BEEN RUNNING AROUND

IN THE DESERT GOING

"WHICH TANK DID IJUST GET OUT OF?"

( laughter )

APPARENTLY

THERE'S SOME KINDOF UNWRITTEN LAW--

IF YOUR HOMETOWN TEAM WINS

YOU CAN COMMITANY KIND OF CRIME YOU WANT.

I WAS IN SAN FRANCISCO

AFTER THE 49ers HAD WONSOME KIND OF SPORTING THING

AND I'M IN MY HONDA CIVIC--

NO WAY, EXCELLENT CAR, THAT'SNOT A COMMERCIAL ENDORSEMENT--

AND THIS NEANDERTHAL JUMPS OUTFROM BEHIND A TREE

WITH A LIT FLARE, AND HETHROWS IT AND HE HITS MY CAR

AND I GO, "WHAT THE HELLIS YOUR PROBLEM?"

AND HE GOES, "NINERS, WHOO!"

( laughter )

I GO, "I'M SORRY,HERE'S YOUR FLARE BACK.

SEE IF YOU CAN'T HIT THATOLD WOMAN DRIVING THE PINTO."