Chris D'Elia - British Heist Movies

  • Season 15 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 38,739

If you're British and you don't know a dude named Nigel -- you're not really British. (2:04)

HOW DO THEY KEEP MAKING THATMOVIE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

WHERE, LIKE, THE FIVE,BALD BRITISH DUDES

ARE SITTIN' AROUNDA TABLE, RIGHT?

AND THEY'REALWAYS ALL BALD.

AND THE ONE DUDE'S BREAKINGDOWN THE PLAN, RIGHT?

LIKE HE'S JUSTLIKE, "ALL RIGHT.

"HERE'S WHATWE'RE GONNA DO."

[audience laughing]

"CHECK IT OUT,ALL RIGHT?

WE'RE GONNA-- WE'RE GONNAGO IN, GET ALL THE CASH,

"PUT IT IN A BAG,AND WE'RE OUT."

[audience laughing]

- BUT THEY MAKETHE MOVIE EVERY YEAR.

THEY JUST ROB DIFFERENTTHINGS, RIGHT?

LIKE, A YEAR LATER,THEY'LL BE LIKE,

"ALL RIGHT--HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

[audience laughing]

"WE'RE GONNA GO IN,GET ALL THE DIAMONDS,

"PUT 'EM IN A BAG,AND WE'RE OUT."

A YEAR LATER, "ALL RIGHT--HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

[audience laughing]

"WE'RE GONNA GO IN,GET ALL THE PAINTINGS,

"PUT 'EM IN A BAG,AND WE'RE OUT."

A YEAR LATER, "HERE'SWHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

[audience laughing]

"WE'RE GONNA GO IN, GET ALLTHE ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES,

"PUT 'EM IN A BAG."

A YEAR LATER,"HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

[audience laughing]

"WE'RE GONNA GO IN,GET ALL THE DALMATIANS,

"PUT 'EM IN A BAG."

[cheers and applause]

- LIKE, YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW, LIKE,

WHEN ARE THEY DONEROBBING THINGS, RIGHT?

LIKE, WHEN ARE THEIRAPARTMENTS TOO FULL,

AND THEY GOTTASTOP, RIGHT?

I FEEL LIKE THEY'LL-- THEY'LL,THEY'LL-THEY'LL REALIZE

THAT IN THE MIDDLEOF THE MOVIE, RIGHT?

LIKE, THEY'LLBE LIKE,

"ALL RIGHT--HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

WE'RE GONNA GO IN,GET ALL THE--

WAIT A MINUTE--WHAT DON'T WE HAVE?"

[audience laughing]

HEY, NIGEL,WHAT DON'T WE HAVE?

IF YOU'RE BRITISH, YOU DON'TKNOW A DUDE NAMED NIGEL,

YOU'RE NOTBRITISH, OKAY?

[audience laughing]

OR YOU'RE NIGEL--THAT'S HOW THAT GOES.

[audience laughing]

AND NIGEL COMES IN-- HE'SALWAYS THE BIGGEST, BALDEST DUDE

WITH THE RASPY VOICE.

HE'S LIKE, "SORRY, CHAP--FRESH OUT OF IDEAS."

"ALL RIGHT-- WE'RE GONNAGO IN, GET ALL THE IDEAS,

"PUT 'EM IN A BAG."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

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