Maria Bamford - Learn More About Geography

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 01/29/2010
  • Views: 33,991

Africa is full of starvation and civil war because they don't know "the secret." (1:36)

SO HERE'S AFRICA, RIGHT?WE CAN ALL AGREE ON THAT.

HERE'S AFRICA.THIS IS SOUTH AFRICA.

THAT'S WHERE OPRAH'STEACHING EVERYBODY

HOW TO GIVE MAKEOVERS, RIGHT?(laughter)

THEN HERE'S THE MIDDLE PART--THERE'S STARVATION, CIVIL WAR,

'CAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW"THE SECRET," AND, UM...

(laughter)

HERE'S EUROPE, EUROPE.

(English accent)OOH, ENGLAND.

WE ACT LIKE WE'RE SMARTERTHAN THE UNITED STATES,

BUT IN FACT,WE'RE JUST MUMBLING.

(mutters indistinctly)(laughter)

WHAT?

"(mutters indistinctly) 1312!"WHAT?

(laughter)

AND THEN HERE'S CHINA.

"WE'RE MAKING STUFF.WE'RE MAKING STUFF."

HERE'S INDIA.

(Indian accent) "THERE'SNOT ROOM FOR THE PHONE LINE.

TRAVELOCITY,THIS IS SUSAN."(laughter)

AND HERE'S THE MIDDLE EAST.

HERE'S THE MOSQUE.HERE'S THE CHURCH.

OPEN THE TEMPLE.EVERYBODY'S MAD!

WA-WA-WA-WAAAAAH!

(laughter and applause)

(Australian accent)HERE'S AUSTRALIA.

"WE HAVE BIG A LAND MASSAS THE U.S.,

AND NO ONE TAKES USSERIOUSLY."

OH, WE CAN'T HEAR YOU,AUSTRALIA.

YOU'RE SO FAR AWAY.OH! OH!

"OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE."

OH, YOU'RE AN ISLAND.YOU'RE FLOATING AWAY.

"OH, WHY DON'T YOUALL GET STUFFED?"

(Latin accent) "AND THENHERE'S SOUTH AMERICA

SOUTH AND CENTRAL AMERICA,WHICH STATISTICALLY

ARE THE HAPPIEST PEOPLEIN THE WORLD

BECAUSE WE AREYOU FAMILY, UH?

RELATIONSHIP, HMM?

LIKE YOUR--LIKE YOUR--"

SHUT UP!IT'S THE U.S.!

LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK,MIDWEST...

WE'RE LANDLOCKED.

(laughter and applause)

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