Malik S. - Not a Thug

  • Season 2 , Ep 0202
  • 07/12/2007
  • Views: 2,694

Malik S. couldn't even scare an old white lady. (2:32)

What's up, New York?

(cheering)What's happening?

Yeah, yeah.

Y'all get up for me, man.

I just finished collegeso I'm proud of myself.

You know?

(cheering)Yeah.

I didn't graduate.I just finished.

I didn't graduate.

Yeah, one dayI couldn't find parking.

I'm like, this is my last day.

I ain't got to put upwith this right here.

They want you to do homeworkand park?

I love New York, though.

Y'all are rough up here, man.

Woo, I'm black and I couldn't

even scare an old white lady.

Y'all thugged out up here.

That's why I wantto let you know,

if I say somethingabout you tonight,

I'm just playing,joke's not funny outside,

you want up on me after theshow, you're going to jail,

I will press chargeson your ass.

Because I am not no fighter.

I am too small to fight.

I weigh 140.

This is not thug weightright here.

I want to be a thug,but I'm ticklish.

You can't be no thugif you're ticklish, you know?

And I wear my seat belt.

You don't look gangsterwith your seat belt on.

Hell, that's why I letthe ladies know.

You looking for a hero,

somebody who is going to defendyour honor, call your brothers.

They know you longer than I did.

This is not it.

If I'm in the club with you

and a man touch your ass?

A man just touch your ass.

That's all that is, girl.

I'll be like, girl, take it.That's a compliment. Shoot.

He touched my ass, too, I ain'tsay nothing but thank you, James

and kept walking.

That mean he like us.

Get two drinks, shoot.

(laughter)

That's why I don't breakthe law.

This is not jail physique.

'Cause if I go to jail and bestraight, somebody's girlfriend,

I ain't ready for no commitmentright now,

you know what I'm saying?

I ain't leaving no steadyrelationship,

soon as I walk in there somebodytrying to sleep with me already.

I'm like, damn, playa,slow down.

Let me see who else in here.

Why you rushing now?

I got five years.

Let me get to know you first.

Let's work out together.

What cell you in?

Buy me some cigarettes,I ain't easy, shoot.

But that's the thing, man,I get jealous.

Because women,y'all could be gay and quit.

That is amazing.

(cheering)You know?

Women can be gayfor like a whole year

and if it don't work out,they could come back to men

and fellas, we don't even care.

We just act like they wenton vacation, we be like,

"How was it? You have a goodtime? What y'all was doing?"

Any woman in here could tellher man she used to be gay.

He won't lose no sleep tonight.

She could be like,you know what, back in college,

me and my girlfriend Kelly gothome from a party, we got drunk.

You know,we started messing around.

We, you know, we made out.It was cool.

The men will be like,"For real? For real?

"You still talkto your girlfriend?

Y'all still cool?"

But can't no man pull that off.

You can't be like,"You know John, right?

"We was coming

from a Knicks game, you know..."

Relationship over, you know.

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