John Evans - Immigration

Season 2, Ep 0202 07/12/2007 Views: 1,498

John Evans' mother lives in Tulsa, OK -- the last place anyone would want to move to. (2:24)

That was awesome.

My mom is crazy.

She's, like, real conservativeand really religious

and we can't have conversations,

because she forces her opinionson me all the time.

Like we were havinga conversation about,

about immigration,and I live in Los Angeles,

so I should careabout immigration,

but, honestly, I don't care.

And it blew my mom's,like, she...

I live in Los Angeles;she lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma--

the last place anyone would packtheir stuff up and move to--

and she's so worried.

I just go, "Mom, I don't care."

She goes, "Well, I do care.

I e-mailed George Bush."


My mom e-mailed the Presidentof the United States,

which is cutein a children's letter

to Santa Claus kind of way,

but I don't thinkhe's gonna read it.

Like, he didn't even read theprewar intelligence about Iraq.

I don't thinkhe's jumping into his inbox...


talking to my mother.


"Dear Doreen..."

(making typewriter noises)

"Thank you for your pointedquestion about immigr..."

(making typewriter noises)

Just don't care.

I always wonder

if Native Americans wishthey would've had

a stricterimmigration policy, you know.



This ain'tthe New World, Cortez.

Turn around.

Do a loop.

There's no spices, De Soto.

Tell the queen.

Travel all over, too.

I was in Chicago;people are rude there.

Not like New York City.

Ah, no.

I was in downtown; I bumpedinto a guy on the streets.

It was clearly my fault,so I turned around

to say "I'm sorry,"but before I could do it,

he was standing there like this,

waiting to kick my ass.

He was like,

"Yo, man!

Which one of y'allbitches hit me?"

I was like, "Hold on.Did you just call me Beatrice?

Oh, no, you didn't!"

I thought it was a street insult

where you call peopleold lady names.

I didn't know.

I was like, "All right, you wantsome of this, Rosemary? Come on.

"No, it's go time,Hazel, right now.

"Stick and move.