Let's get straight into it.Last night was officially
the end of the DemocraticNational Convention,
and, uh, Hillary was excited
that she was finallythe nominee,
and, uh, Bill Clintonwas just as excited
that there were balloons.
Look how happy he is.
He looks high.
Look at his face.
Look at his face--he's like, "I...
"I can't believeall these balloons...
Wow, the blue ones and the..."
He's so excited.
And you know what,you know what,
after recent events in the news
and the negative rhetoricof the conventions,
you know, especiallyin Cleveland, we...
I feel like we all need balloonsin our life, you know?
Yeah, that... BecauseI understand Bill Clinton.
There's no situation in whicha balloon is a negative thing.
Balloons bring outthe best in us.
We laugh,we feel like kids again.
In fact, in fact,maybe instead of dropping bombs
in the Middle East,maybe America should try
dropping balloonsjust once. Just once.
-See what happens.-(cheering, applause)
Yeah, because, like,what do you have to lose?
What do you have to lose? I beteven militants would be like,
"We must destroy America...Oh, look-- balloons, balloons!
"Balloons! I'm going tomake a bunny.
I'm going to make a bunny."
Yeah, and then that wayif America misses its target,
it's not gonna besuch a bad thing. You know?
You'd be watching, like,the BBC News and they'd be like,
"Today, 42 civilianswere senselessly cheered up
by an American balloon strike."
It's different ways.
And I will tell you,I will tell you,
there is someone who needsballoons in his life--
Donald Trump.Because at the DNC,
Michael Bloomberg droppeda Donald Trump diss track.
Trump says he wantsto run the nation
like he's running his business?God help us.
I'm a New Yorker
and I know a con when I see one.
Truth be told,
the richest thingabout Donald Trump
is his hypocrisy.
Right, so-so we covered thison the show yesterday.
And one of the biggestdiscussions
of this election year has been
does Donald Trump have thetemperament to be president?
Because being a president--especially of a nation
in control of nuclear weapons--
requires that you havemeasured responses.
As a leader of democracy,you can't just lose your (bleep)
at the slightest provocation.
It appears, though,
Cinnamon Hitlerdidn't get the memo.
after watching that speech,
he responded like this.
I wanted to hit a coupleof those speakers so hard.
I would have hit them...No, no.
I was gonna hit them so...I was all set,
and then I got a call froma highly-respected governor.
"How's it going, Donald?"
I said, "Well, it's going good,but they're really saying
bad things about me.I'm gonna them so hard."
I was gonna hit one guy inparticular-- a very little guy--
I was gonna hit this guyso hard his head would spin,
he wouldn't knowwhat the hell happened.
You can bait Donald Trumpinto anything.
Hey Donald, I bet your hands aretoo small to give me a hand job.
And he'd be like, "Oh, yeah?Drop those pants.
"Drop those pants.
"Your orgasm's gonna be huge.
"Your... Gimme your...Your orgasm's gonna be huge.
Oh, and by... and by the way,
actually, that-that wassomething I noticed
watching Donald Trump.Watch him when he speaks--
it-it looks likehe's always... he's always
jacking off two tiny penises
when he speaks.
Just watch out for that.