Sandra Bernhard - Suzanne Somers

Margaret Smith & Rick Corso Season 1, Ep 0159 02/24/1992 Views: 1,286

Suzanne Somers never loses her girlish edge. (3:40)

( whooping )

HI, I BET YOU'D LIKE TO HAVETHINNER THIGHS, TOO

JUST LIKE ME.

WELL, NOW WITH MYINCREDIBLE THIGHMASTER

YOU CAN JOIN THE CLUB.

HI!

SUZANNE... I LOVE SUZANNE.

YOU KNOW, SHE NEVER LOSESHER GIRLISH EDGE.

( laughter )

I DON'T THINK SHE TRIES, BUT...

EVEN IF SHE TRIED,SHE STILL WOULDN'T LOSE IT.

DO YOU LIKE HER POETRY?

BECAUSE I'VE READ HERENTIRE OEUVRE COMPLET

OF POETRY THAT IS SO RIVETINGAND SO MOVING AND SO PERSONAL...

I REALLY LIKE SUZANNE BECAUSESHE'S EXACTLY WHO SHE IS.

SHE DOESN'T TRYTO ELEVATE HERSELF

TO SOME, LIKE, RIDICULOUS,PRETENTIOUS INTELLECTUALITY.

AND THEN SHE EXPOSEDHER WHOLE FAMILY

LIKE EVERYBODY IS DOING NOW.

IT'S LIKE... WHAT...

OF COURSE EVERYBODY'S FAMILYIS DYSFUNCTIONAL.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO--

JUST HATE OUR PARENTSFOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?

NO, SOMEBODY WANTED METO GO TO, UM...

NOT A.A.,BUT THE SISTER, LIKE...

YEAH, AL-ANON, WHEN YOU AREINVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS...

NO, ADULT CHILDRENOF ALCOHOLIC...

WHATEVER...I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH IT.

THERE'S TOO MANY INITIALS THERE,IT'S LIKE A WHOLE...

INITIAL BRACELETS OR SOMETHING.

NO, THIS WOMAN WANTED ME TO GO

BECAUSE I KEEP GETTINGINVOLVED WITH PEOPLE

WHO ARE SUPPOSEDLY SONSOF ALCOHOLICS, DAUGHTERS...

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT THE HELL,THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

I SWING, SO YOU NEVER KNOW.

( laughter )

( cheering )

BUT I'M SCARED TO GOTO THOSE MEETINGS

BECAUSE I THINK THEY PUT LIKEA HEX ON YOU OR SOMETHING.

THEY'RE FREAKY.

THIS BROAD HAS BEEN TAKINGCOPIOUS NOTES ALL NIGHT.

JUST TELL ME WHATYOU'RE WRITING FOR.

LOS ANGELES TIMESSYNDICATE.

OH, YOU'RE SCARING ME.

NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT...LOS ANGELES TIMES SYNDICATE.

( laughter and applause )

"HELLO, GOOD EVENING.

"I HAVE A MOLE ON MY UPPER LIP

AND I'M WRITING FOR THELOS ANGELES TIMES SYNDICATE."

NO, YOU'RE FABULOUS,YOU'RE VERY CHIC

AND I LOVE THAT YOU'RE WRITING.

( laughter )

I HOPE FOR ONCEIT'S SOMETHING NICE

BECAUSE I AM BUSTINGMY BUTT UP HERE

BUT THEY'LL NEVER MENTION THAT.

"SHE WAS CRASS, RUDEAND DISGUSTING."

ANY ACTRESSES I SHOULD KNOWABOUT IN YOUR LITTLE SCOTCH...

LET ME SEE THAT.

IT'S A FABULOUS LITTLECHIC BOOK.

"HI, I'M RUNNINGOUT OF THE HOUSE."

( laughter )

"AND I'M LATE!"

OH, LOOK HERE-- CENTURY STUDIOS,MANDY ROGERS, WEX LEX.

BEXEL, BAMPRO... YOU HAVESOME WEIRD PEOPLE IN HERE.

"AGENT, I WORSHIP THE PEOPLEHE STEPS ON."

"SELF-LOVE."

WHAT MEETINGS HAVE YOUBEEN GOING TO?

"SHOWS FOR THE FUTURE...CUTTING EDGE."

WHO IS REALLY COOL?

JUAN?

( laughter )

OR "JUAN SOMETHINGIS REALLY COOL.

"GIVES ME SPACE, PRAISE,RESPECT.

"HE JUST LEFT ON HIS PERSONALCROSS-COUNTRY JOURNEY.

"TIA HERE--

A MIX OF MAN AND CLICHE."

I CAN'T...

( laughter )

THAT'S BRILLIANT, THOUGH...THAT'S COOL.

IS THAT SOMETHING YOU WROTE?

YEAH.

GOD, THAT'S GREAT.

NO, SERIOUSLY, IT WAS RIVETING.

JUST TYPE IT INTO A COMPUTERAND LET ME READ IT.