you know, therewas no turning back
once I came up with this,was being left-handed.
That whenyou're left-handed,
it's very tough becauseeverything that the word left
is associated with seemsto be a negative thing.
Two left feet,left-handed compliment.
You ever see a crooknamed "Rightie"?
You go to a party,there's nobody there,
where'd everybody go?
Well, that wasmy first real laugh.
The one that stayed in my actis nothing to brag about either.
It was about the, um,the written exam
of the driver's test.
Blind people arecrossing the road.
A) Stop, let them go by.
B) Nudge 'em a littleso they know you're there.
or C) Aim for the dog, yeah.
I had this troll doll and Iwould do different celebrities
doing a commercialfor the doll.
So like,it was Bill Cosby.
He'd be like,"Will you look at the doll.
Where you take--where you get the troll
and the hair's hangingwith the lip--"
You know, I'd do himand I would do Seinfeld
going like,"Who does his hair?"
I mean why don'tthe arms and legs move?
It'd be a better doll.
He doesn't evenhave any pants on!
What's the dealwith that?
You got the doll,no pants!
I had, basically,ten minutes of comedy.
That's all Ihad for my whole--
I mean, I could stretch to like,you know, a half hour, maybe.
But I only had ten minutesof good stuff.
I've got a bit about a guywho had no arms
who played the guitarwith his feet.
I've done nothingwith my life.
I can't even playthe guitar with my hands.
And then I'd go,the weird thing
is his shirtwas tucked in his pants.
That was aboutas good as it got.