Freddy Soto - Roaches

Soto, Colonna, Heffron, Harris Season 4, Ep 0412 02/10/2001 Views: 4,377

Ever have a roach fly out of your shoe? (2:28)

FROM, BROTHER.

I GREW UP BROKE, MAN.

I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.

GOT BIG ROACHES, MAN, THAT FLEW.

(IMITATES FLYING ROACH)

THEY'D BE IN YOUR SHOE IN THE

MORNING, MAN.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WAS

HAPPENING.

BEFORE SCHOOL,

(SOUND OF WINGS FLAPPING)

HAVE A ROACH FLY OUT OF YOUR

SHOE, MAN?

MY DAD USED TO STEP ON THE

ROACHES AND THEN HE WOULD JUST

LEAVE 'EM THERE.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M LIKE, "DAD, WANNA PICK IT

UP, MAN?

WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN!"

"NO.

LEAVE IT.

SO THE OTHER ONES KNOW WHAT'S

WAITING FOR 'EM!"

(LAUGHTER)

I SEE YOU IN THE CRACK!

I SEE YOU IN THE CRACK!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

LET'S GO.

I'VE GOT SHOES.

LET'S DO IT!"

"DAD, MAN, YOU CAN SPRAY 'EM."

"YEAH.

I COULD GIVE 'EM CANDIES.

HERE."

"NO, MAN, PUT A ROACH MOTEL."

"WHY?

THEY'RE ALREADY LIVING IN MY

HOUSE!

OH, HERE'S THE KEYS TO MY CAR!

DRIVE AROUND!"

I USED TO PUSH IT WITH MY DAD,

MAN.

USED TO TRY TO--

(LAUGHS)

USED TO TRY TO COME HOME DRUNK,

MAN, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

THEY'LL HAVE YOU DOING CHORES

THE NEXT DAY, MAN.

MY DAD LOVED TO SEND ME TO LOOK

FOR STUFF BUT HE NEVER TOLD ME

WHERE IT WAS.

LIKE EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS JUST

"RIGHT THERE."

"DAD, WHERE IS IT?"

"WELL, IF YOU LOOK, IT'S RIGHT

THERE."

(LAUGHTER)

"WELL WHERE, DAD?"

"OH, NEXT TO THE LEFT."

(LAUGHTER)

"NEXT TO THE WHAT, MAN?"

"(BLEEP), IF YOU DON'T SEE IT ON

THE LEFT, THEN LOOK MORE

LEFTER."

"'MORE LEFTER''S NOT A WORD,

MAN."

"WELL I'M NOT IN SCHOOL,

MR. ROGER'S, ALL RIGHT?

NOW LOOK ON TOP OF THE THING

BY THE SIDE ON THE MIDDLE.

(LAUGHTER)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

...ON TOP OF THE THING TO THE

LEFT OF THE MIDDLE!

(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING)

NO, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING...

(LAUGHTER)

NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT ON

PURPOSE, OH, IF IT WAS YOUR

FRIENDS THAT YOU GOT DRUNK WITH,

'OH, I FOUND IT!

(LAUGHTER)

OH, LET ME LOOK HARDER FOR YOU,

CHARLIE!

LOOK HOW I FOUND IT!

I LOVE YOU!'"

"DAD, I JUST DON'T SEE IT, MAN."

"YOU BETTER SEE IT.

IF I GO THERE AND I SEE IT,

I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS.

(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING)

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU SEE IT NOW, YOU BETTER

HIDE IT...

REGARDLESS."

THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.