Doug Mellard - Superman

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If Doug Mellard winds up on a doomed flight in his Superman suit, he's gonna have some fun. (1:57)

-I hate Republican Transformersbecause they never change.

Sometimes I like todress up as Superman

and show up to crime scenesjust a little bit late.

You know what I mean?

It's super fun, you know.

Like maybe you'll getarrested in a Superman outfit,

but how cool is that?

And like I really--I bring my Superman

suit with me everywhere I go.

And one time I brought itwith me on a business trip.

And I also had to bringa business suit with me.

And they wouldn't bothfit into my carry-on bag,

so I had to wearthem at the same time

and go through the securityat the airport like that.


So through the whitebutton-up shirt,

you could see the S on my chest.

And my cape was danglingout of my ass a little bit.

And everybody'sthinking to themselves,

like man this guy is crazy.

Or he's Superman.

One lady whisperedto me, don't worry,

your secret's safewith me, Clark.

I was like, allright, crazy bitch.

Let's keep this party rolling.

And all flight, I wascracking up to myself

because I thinking, ifthis plane goes down,

I'm going to have somefun with my death.

You know what I mean?

Like if you're going todie, go out with a bang.


So I thought if theplane started to crash,

I would just kick openthe emergency exit

and just take offflying in my suit.

It would be awesome.

Then I'd die in a Superman suit.

All my friends would be atthe funeral saying stuff,

like that's the way hewould have wanted to go.

It's true.

When I do actuallyfinally die, I

want to make surethat all of my enemies

are invited to myfuneral because I want

them to learn somevaluable lessons.

Like first of all,life is finite.

Second of all, all ourpast differences are BS.

And then that's when I want thebomb in my casket to go off.

Just bring allthose folks with me.

You know what I mean?

And I'll be laughingup there from heaven.

And I know a lotof you thinking,

he wouldn't be in heaven.

Dude, you killedall those people.

Yeah, I know, after I died.

I found a loophole, Miami.

Get with me.