Myq Kaplan - Laugh the Tears Away

CC Presents: Myq Kaplan Season 14, Ep 22 03/02/2010 Views: 18,751

In this uncertain economy, Myq Kaplan will not ask the audience personal questions. (1:31)

WE COULD ALL USE A LITTLEHELP THESE DAYS, OBVIOUSLY AND

THAT'S WHY I DON'T TALK TO THECROWD AND MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE.

THERE'S SOME COMEDIANS WHO'DBE LIKE, "HEY, WHAT DO YOU DO?

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?"

THEY TRY TO MAKE FUNOF YOUR SHIRT, CALL YOU "GAY."

I'M NOT DOING THAT, EVERYBODY.

BECAUSE YOU CAN GET INTO TROUBLEWITH THOSE QUESTIONS

IN, LIKE,THIS QUESTIONABLE ECONOMY.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

"I DON'T REALLYDO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST COME OUT

"AND TRY TO FORGET MY TROUBLES,YOU KNOW?

JUST KIND OF LAUGH THE TEARSAWAY FOR A LITTLE BIT."

"ALL RIGHT, WHERE DO YOU LIVE?"

"I'M ACTUALLY HOMELESSRIGHT NOW.

I DON'T EVEN REALLYHAVE A HOME."

"NICE SHIRT!"

"IT'S THE ONLY ONE I HAVE.I DON'T HAVE OTHER CLOTHING."

"WHAT ARE YOU, GAY?"

"I GOT TO DO SOMETHING TO PAYTHE BILLS. I DON'T HAVE..."

[ LAUGHTER,CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I LOVE GAY PEOPLE.

MY WIFE IS GAY.

SHE IS HALF-GAY/HALF-JEWISH,SO MY GRANDMOTHER IS HAPPY.

AND WE HAVEAN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

IT IS VERY OPEN.IT'S A DIVORCE.

SO...

NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

50% OF MARRIAGES IN THIS COUNTRYEND IN DIVORCE.

50%. THAT'S ONEOUT OF EVERY TWO PEOPLE.

SO IT'S EITHER GONNA BE YOUOR YOUR WIFE.

AND...

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

WITH US, IT WAS BOTH, SOME SORTOF STATISTICAL ANOMALY, I GUESS.

BUT MY WIFE AND IDID THE JEWISH DIVORCE CUSTOM

WHERE WE TOOK A BROKEN GLASS,AND WE PUT IT BACK TOGETHER.

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

YEAH.