Robert Hawkins - Balding

  • Season 7 , Ep 20
  • 07/03/2003
  • Views: 1,859

A lack of patience is the world's biggest problem. (2:04)

Robert Hawkins: SO WHAT HAVE WE

LEARNED FROM ME TONIGHT?

WE'VE LEARNED THAT I'M

SELF-IMPORTANT AND I LACK

PATIENCE.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM IN THE WORLD

RIGHT THERE, LACK OF PATIENCE,

SELF-IMPORTANCE.

REMEMBER THOSE WORDS FOR

A MOMENT.

I'LL TELL YA WHAT I'M TALKIN'

ABOUT.

SIR, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

ROB?

LET'S SAY YOU'RE DRIVING DOWN

THE ROAD IN YOUR CAR, HAVING

A GOOD TIME, MINDING YOUR OWN

BUSINESS, WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE

REARVIEW MIRROR AND YOU REALIZE

SOME JERK IS TAILGATIN' YA

REALLY CLOSE.

NOW, WHAT'S THE FIRST THING

YOU DO?

ALL RIGHT, ROB.

YOU HEAR THESE PEOPLE ANSWERING

FOR YOU?

WHY?

LACK OF PATIENCE.

[LAUGHTER]

SELF-IMPORTANCE.

YOU SEE THAT?

I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.

I'M LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU

THE WHOLE TIME.

BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER FAST

ENOUGH FOR SOME OF THE OTHERS.

[LAUGHTER]

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE

TAILGATIN' YOU, ROB, RIGHT

THERE.

I WENT INTO THE BARBERSHOP.

THE GUY GOES, "HOW YA DOIN'

THERE, RED?"

I SAID, "NOT BAD, PSORIASIS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SURE YOU WANNA PLAY THIS

GAME?"

SO I GOT THIS HAIRCUT.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I THINK HE SPENT A LOT

OF TIME UP IN THERE, DUDE.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T ASK FOR

ALL THAT OFF.

I WANTED IT FEATHERED.

[LAUGHTER]

AND I GOT PLUCKED.

LOOK AT THIS.

I'M CROWNING.

I'M GIVING BIRTH TO MY OWN HEAD

AGAIN, WHY?

[LAUGHTER]

AND IT CAN'T GO FROM FRONT BACK.

NO I GOTTA HAVE A MOAT FOR

SEVERAL YEARS.

IT'S A MOAT.

[LAUGHTER]

IT WOULDN'T BE ANY MORE

RIDICULOUS IF THERE WAS A CASTLE

STICKIN' UP IN THE MIDDLE WITH

A BRIDGE GOIN' OVER AND A LITTLE

TROLL SITTIN' THERE.

"WHO GOES OVER ME BRIDGE?"

"'TIS I, BILLY GOAT GRUFF."

"THIS GUY'S BALD AS HELL."

"I KNOW, HE'S BLINDIN' ME."

"MAYBE WE COULD BE FRIENDS.

"NO, YOU GOTTA PAY TOLLS."

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEY DON'T MAKE THAT SPRAY

IN MY COLOR.

[LAUGHTER]

SO I DATE SHORT WOMEN.

COME ON, LITTLE LADY.

WHERE YOU GOIN', HUH?

WHERE THE HELL YOU?

THERE'S NOTHIN' BACK THERE,

RELAX!

[LAUGHTER]

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