Bill Dwyer - Demon Dad Death Couch

  • Season 5 , Ep 11
  • 09/09/2001
  • Views: 2,046

Bill Dwyer's father died while taking a nap on the couch, and his family kept the couch. (2:09)

WHAT I'M DOING AS A FATHER,

BECAUSE MY FATHER DIED

WHEN I WAS 2 YEARS OLD.

PEOPLE STILL ASK ME, DO YOU

REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM?

I WAS 2 YEARS OLD.

OH, YES.

I REMEMBER HE WAS A VERY GENTLE,

GENTLE MAN, WITH HUGE HANDS--

NO, I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING

ABOUT HIM.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT ONE SUNDAY

MORNING BEFORE I GO INTO MASS,

HE SAID HE WAS A LITTLE TIRED

SO HE DECIDED TO LIE DOWN

ON THE COUCH AND TAKE A NAP.

WE HAD A CACTUS IN THE LIVING

ROOM, TOO.

HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO LAY DOWN

ON THE COUCH TO TAKE A NAP

BEFORE GOING TO MASS.

SO HE LAYS DOWN ON THE COUCH

BEFORE WE GO TO MASS, AND HE

DIES RIGHT THERE ON THE COUCH.

AND WE KEPT THE COUCH,

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

THE COUCH MY FATHER DIED ON,

WE HAD IT MY WHOLE LIFE.

OH, SURE, AS KIDS, WE WOULD DARE

ONE ANOTHER TO TAKE A NAP

ON THE DEMON COUCH.

(LAUGHTER)

"YOU DOUBLE DARED ME TO TAKE

A NAP ON THE DEMON-DAD

DEATH COUCH.

(LAUGHTER)

NO, I'M NOT SCARED.

I'LL JUST LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH

AND CATCH FORTY WINKS.

AHH!

I SAW DAD.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID, GET OFF THE COUCH!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

KILLED ME, AND IT WILL KILL YOU,

TOO.

NOT EXACTLY THE MAKE-OUT COUCH

DURING HIGH SCHOOL.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER, BABY,

DO YOU SENSE DEATH?

COME ON.

SIT DOWN HERE WHERE HIS HEAD

WAS, THAT'S THE SPECIAL SEAT.

AND THEN SOMEONE GAVE US A DOG

AFTER HE DIED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE

THINKING.

WELL, YOU'VE LOST YOUR HUSBAND

AND FATHER, HERE'S A

HALF-CHIHUAHUA HALF-BOSTON

TERRIER MIX.

YOU'VE LOST YOUR MAIN REVENUE

SOURCE HERE'S A NERVOUS DOG!

OH, THANK YOU!

LOOKS LIKE A REAL MONEY MAKER,

THAT ONE WITH THE BULGING EYES,

THE ERECTIONS AND THE SHIVERING.

OH, HE'S SHIVERING!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S A CASH COW.

AND THE DOG LIVED FOREVER!

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