Steve Marmel - John F. Kennedy Jr.

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 05/15/2000
  • Views: 1,197

Every time a Kennedy dies, a comic gets his wings. (3:04)

WE JUST LOST A KENNEDY,YOU KNOW.

WELL, WE DIDN'T LOSE HIM.

I MEAN, WE FOUND HIM.YEAH.

THEN THEY PUT HIM BACK.

A BURIAL AT SEA.

ISN'T THAT A LITTLE REDUNDANT?

DIDN'T HE DO THATALL BY HIMSELF?

TED KENNEDY--"WELL, HE LOVED THE SEA."

YEAH, THAT'S BEFOREIT KILLED HIM.

IT'D BE LIKE TED GETTINGMURDERED BY A CRATE OF SCOTCH.

[laughter]

HEY, THE MOST AMAZING THINGTO ME ABOUT THIS

WAS THE MEDIA COVERAGE.

'CAUSE THEY REALLYHAD NO IDEA HOW TO HANDLE IT.

ESPECIALLY THE TV MEDIA.

PLANE GOES DOWN,

CAMERA CREWS GO OUTTO THE WATER,

AND THEY JUST POINTA CAMERA AT THE WATER.

FOR 40 HOURS.

"HEY, THERE IT IS--WATER."

IT'S LIKE A BLUE'S CLUES.

"HEY, CAN YOU HELP US?"

[laughter]

THEN AT THE 40-HOUR MARK,

THE SISTER-IN-LAW'S LUGGAGEPOPS UP,

AND THE GUY ON CNN SAYS,WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT,

"WE THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEENSOME SORT OF ACCIDENT."

OH, YOU THINK?

LET'S GET THE SCOOBY DOO GANGOUT HERE

TO CRACK THIS SON OF A BITCHOPEN.

"JINKIES, GANG,I THINK WE HAVE A MYSTERY."

[imitating Scooby Doo]"WHY WOULD HE FLY AT NIGHTWITHOUT A RICENSE?"

[laughter]

I KNOW THAT'S HARSH.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERY TIME A KENNEDY DIES,A COMIC GETS HIS WINGS.

AND I TRY TO HAVE SYMPATHYOVER THIS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHEN THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE DIES,I MOVE UP A NOTCH.

[laughter]

THE ONLY TIMEI REALLY FEEL BAD IS,

I THINK ABOUT HOW HARDIT HAD TO BE

TO GROW UPON THE KENNEDY COMPOUND.

I MEAN, JUST WALKING AROUNDGOING,

[whispers]"I see drunk people."

[laughter]

WHEN?

"All the time."

[laughter]

TED KENNEDYIN THE SIXTH FIFTH.

[laughter]

IT'S JUST AMAZING

'CAUSE THEY THINKTHEY'RE INVULNERABLE.

THAT'S WHAT CRACKS ME UP.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DIDFOR NEW YEAR'S--THE KENNEDYS?

THEY WENT TO ASPEN.

KENNEDYS, AS A GROUP, PILED INTOA BUNCH OF SMALL PLANES

AND FLEW TO ASPEN TO SKI.

[laughs]

HEY, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

WHY DON'T YOU SWING BY DALLASAND PICK UP A BOOK?

[laughter]

THEY DO.THEY THINK THEY'RE INVULNERABLE.

AND NONE MORE THAN TED.

HOW MANY TIMES DOES LIFEJUST PUT ON A CLEAT

AND NAIL TED IN THE NADS,

AND IT NEVER LEAVES A MARK?

IT IS AMAZING.

YOU KNOW HE WASIN A PLANE CRASH?

YEAH.

1964--LITTLE PLANE GOES DOWN.

EVERYBODY DEAD EXCEPT TED.

DRUNK IRISH ASSFLIPS OUT OF THE WRECKAGE.

[laughter and applause]

"NICE [bleep] TRY, GOD."

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[applause]

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